Saturday, March 22, 2008

Questions about Cheating, Marriage and the Other Woman

Hello all:

I've been on a bit of a hiatus due to my full-time school and work schedule, but there are some reader questions that have been particularly haunting me. Here they are with my responses. (Please feel free to add your own advice, commentary, etc.)

From: The Other Woman

Anonymous said...

I have been married for 24 years now with two children ages 23 and husband left me but i know in my heart he was cheating all the signs were there, he no longer desired me and he was always abusive to me which really escalated before he left, he denies there is another woman, but he became very upset the day i found the number in the cellphone and called it and deleted the number he asked for his number back and left the following day, he has not taken all of his things yet he does not want the neighbors to know he has moved out, but yet he is not there anymore..(strange) i am going along with it for now, but there is no relationship between he and I anymore and he wants to be able to come in and stay from time to time when he feels like basically he is holding me back while he waits to see if this thing between he and the new woman will work out because i think she is married as well..never the less, i feel i have been reborn..God has given me peace after days of crying and depression i was devastated and i can not say i did not do some things that he did not appreciate, after years of abuse i turned to prescription drugs and i became addicted..i begged and pleaded him to help me but he would not he saw that as his way out. but let me add this is not the first affair we have dealt with he has cheated on me two times prior to this that i know for God is so Good, because after finding this blog, i feel totally free, i do not wish any bad luck on him i wish the best but i know the relationship is not going to work because this is one of the oldest tricks of the enemy, grass always seem greener, so Ladies plz respond and provide me encouragement this is still young for me and i am praying my way thru

12:21 PM


I feel your pain. I know what it's like to love someone and try to honor that relationship with what you've learned about God and how best to be a Christian. However, your husband has made the decision easier for you - he left you. Your role is to pray, seek the comfort of God and ask how you are to handle the situation. The goal is for you to have peace. The optimal marriage state is for two people to be working together, trying to make things work, communicating, spending time, raising any children and incorporating Godly principles into their marriage. If your marriage does not have those qualities, it is not where it should be. I cannot say for sure whether or not you two should be together, but I know for absolute sure that God is going to work this out in your best interests. I can promise you that. I also promise you this: if you seek Him and obediently do His will, He will honor and bless you in ways beyond compare. I will be praying for you. Please let me know how this turns out.


From: How Not to Cheat

Anonymous said...

i need some help... PLEASE ANYONE!!! I just found out that my girlfriend of 4 years is cheating. She did it before and I forgave her and then she did it again and i forgave her again..and again. This time its more serious cause i found out that she was close to sexual with him and its the same guy that she cheated with the first time. I am a Christian and so is she and we are active in our Church.. can someone please give me some Christian advice please.. its like im dying here...

10:43 PM


As a prior single woman for a number of years, I became intimately familiar with all the games, ups and downs and challenges facing Christian singles. Here is what I see: your girlfriend still has feelings for the gentleman which whom she had sex. You are right to forgive her, but you are not obligated to stay with her. True repentance (on her part) would have been to walk away from him and leave him alone. She is telling you - with her actions - that she is not capable of doing that. You are meant for better. Behavior does not magically change when you are married. Behavior changes through a close relationship with God, fasting and prayer, repentance and a true desire for change. I don't believe your girlfriend has a true heart for repentance.

My advice is for you to leave her and spend some close, one-on-one time with God. Allow Him to minister to you, allow your friends to comfort you, pray daily and fast and, if at the end of that you feel like God is leading you back to her, then so be it. If not, then it is time for you to move on. I will be praying for you. God bless and please let me know how this turns out.


From: How Not to Cheat

i have been cheating on my boyfriend for a few months now im a christian hes a chritstian and i dont know how to tell him and weather i should i love him and want to stay with him. What do i do?

7:58 AM


Why are you with your boyffriend? You say you don't know if you love him. What, then, is the point? I don't mean to sound harsh, but I simply don't understand why you'd stay with someone of whom you are not even sure how you feel. You sound like an intelligent, likeable person. I would not want you to be in a situation that is not going anywhere or causing your boyfriend harm through your behavior.

My suggestion for you would be for you to spend some time alone. My best guess is that you have needs that are not being met by your boyfriend nor your lover. Honestly, there are some things only God can heal and it seems that you need Him more than any human man.

Think about what I have said. I will be praying for you. God bless you in your time of need.


From: How Do You Know He's the One?

Jlynn said...

I'm in a relationship that I'm not happy with but my partner seems to be head over heels in love with me.

I feel like if I end it I'm doing something terribly wrong because it will hurt him, but I'm miserable staying in it. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. I also feel like I'm doing wrong in Gods eyes as well if I end the relationship. Any advice.

12:35 PM

qtee1113 said...

yeah any advice for jlynn??? I am in the same boat and would looooove the imput!

5:13 PM

JLynn and qteel113:

Well, ladies, first of all, feel blessed that you have someone in your life who values you! I hear so much about women who want to make things work with guys who are disinterested that it's a nice change to hear that some of our sisters have found good men. Even if those men are not for you...

My advice to you two is simple: if you are not happy, then leave. Why do I say this? Because, if you desire sexual intimacy and children in a God-given relationship, then you need to be free to marry the man who will fulfill those dreams for you. Visualize the man you want to be there for you when you are sick, whose features you want to see in your children's faces, who you want to see in family pictures and want to grow old with. Is that man the one you're with now? No? Then you need to go.

If it helps any, remind yourself that you are doing him a great disservice by remaining with someone with whom you are not compatible. You are depriving him of meeting someone who will love and value him for who he is, as well as depriving yourself of meeting the man who is meant for you. Shoot for the stars, ladies - married or committed life with the partner of your dreams. You deserve no less!