Wednesday, March 08, 2006

How Do You Know He's the One?

We've all met the seemingly perfect man: he opens doors for you, he's polite and courteous. He has a well-paying job, he's truthful, open and honest. He takes you out to dinner and doesn't expect anything in return and makes all the right noises about his interest in being committed. You get along great, you're thinking about introducing him to your parents and, then, he changes on you! He goes from calling you five times a day to 'just say hello' to sounding peeved when you call because he's 'trying to work'. He's taken you out five times and doesn't understand why you're not putting out. He gets a great paycheck of which he spends every penny trying to finance a gambling and/or shopping addiction.

So, how can you tell when you've really picked the right guy?

Read on:

1. He doesn't overwhelm you with affection right off the bat.

Yes, we all want to be swept off our feet, but steer far clear of men who want to marry you by Date 2. If he were really so anxious to be married, don't you think he would be by now? Now, I'm not saying that all men are like this, but, most men who start out very intensely burn out very quickly. After all, you don't think you are the only one he's ever been that crazy about, do you? Settle instead for someone who calls, texts or emails you a reasonable number of times. And one who has reasonable expectations of your relationship. Allow your relationship to begin at a slower pace and develop naturally - this will help it to last.

2. He doesn't pretend his credit, his past dating history, or his past life is or was perfect.

Okay, he makes a lot of money, but he hasn't always made a lot of money. And he probably wasn't always the most fiscally responsible person in the world. So don't let him lead you to believe otherwise. Also, he's done both good and bad in his past, so be on the lookout if he colors all his stories in his favor. Look for someone he gives you a fair and balanced re-telling of past struggles, issues or relationships. And, speaking of relationships:

3. He doesn't blame his last girlfriend for all of their problems.

If he begins his stories about his ex with phrases like, 'she mistreated me', 'she was no good', 'I tried to make it work, but she refused to try', or 'she was nothing but a manipulator', run far, far away! As previously mentioned, he has done both good and bad in his past. And this goes double for anything he did in his last relationship. She may not have been perfect, but he definitely wasn't either. There are three sides to every story - his side, her side and the truth. Try to find someone who gets as close to the 'truth' as possible.

4. He's consistent.

Remember how he used to call you five times a day? It's okay if it goes down to once or twice (a day), but once or twice a week? That's something to worry about. And don't accept the excuse that he all of a sudden doesn't have time. Somehow, he found time before, right? It takes two minutes to place a phone call, send an email or text message. Hold him accountable. But, on the flip side, if he only called you once or fewer times per day, don't expect him to start calling three or four times a day now. Observe his original pattern. Learn it. And see how close (or how far) he strays from it. There are few things worse than inconsistency in someone of whom you have greater epxectations.

5. His actions follow his words.

This goes two ways: he doesn't make promises he doesn't intend to keep and he does what he says he's going to do. He doesn't promise to spend more time with you this weekend if he knows he's going to be tied up in meetings. And he remembers to bring you a cheeseburger from McDonald's on his way home from work (like he said he would). Don't trust a man that constantly breaks his promises or makes promises he doesn't keep.

This is my short and sweet list, but feel free to comment and let me know of other traits that I'm sure to have missed! I'm also interested in hearing success stories from others who have found 'the one'.

43 comments:

i digg said...

You know he is the one when he does not fight you to go to church, nor admonishes you for going. He is a helper and supporter. He also should share your faith... you know the whole equally yoked thing and all.

sonya said...

Oh, I Digg - I wish all men were that way! But the truth of the matter is that I know a number of sisters who regularly and faithfully go to church without their mates. As a matter of fact, a sister I've known for about five years showed up one day with a handsome man who I was extremely surprised to discover was her husband! Oh, well....

All a woman (or man) can do is pray for her mate and wait for God to bring him (or her around). All things are possible With Him. And, even if it doesn't work out the way we hope (or pray), we can take comfort in the fact that all things work for the good of those who love the Lord. So, no matter how things work out, we can still take comfort in Him.

Gina Burgess said...

Sonya, welcome to Christian Bloggers!

You have written some very wise words in this post!

For a Christian woman, Mr. Right will go to church. Of course a Christian can marry a man that doesn't go, but she'll won't be following God's plan for a happy marriage.

I made the mistake of marrying a man that did not go to church and I wound up being the Spiritual Leader of the home. That is NOT good for the kids.

Some added wisdom...

1. Notice his friends. Are they of good character? Does he have friends?
2. Notice his jokes. Are they critical? Prejudiced?
3. Notice your true motives, are you on a Reform Mission? Know beyond doubt that a woman cannot change a man, a baby cannot change a man... only Jesus can change a man!
4. "Bad Boys" grow up to be bad men and worse fathers.
5. So what if he is not dashingly handsome or the life of the party. The stable man has inward beauty that God values and is more likely to be around after 40 years than any "life of the party" because the party does end and you don't want to be left cleaning up the mess! Take it from one who had to clean up the mess after 22 years.

sonya said...

Gina:

Thank you for welcoming me to Christian Bloggers! It was so nice to find a community of Christians online - it made me feel like I was not alone - with the added bonus of a built-in support sytem.

Your comments are completely and totally on point! It makes a difference when you've actually experienced something - you can definitely give the benefit of your wisdom and knowledge - and you have done both.

Anonymous said...

A woman must be so burried in the Lord that to find her he must seek God...

Jlynn said...

I'm in a relationship that I'm not happy with but my partner seems to be head over heels in love with me.
I feel like if I end it I'm doing something terribly wrong because it will hurt him, but I'm miserable staying in it. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. I also feel like I'm doing wrong in Gods eyes as well if I end the relationship. Any advice.

qtee1113 said...

yeah any advice for jlynn??? I am in the same boat and would looooove the imput!

Soozzs said...

Jlynn & qtee1113. If you're not happy now you'll just be miserable later. You might not want to hurt him now but better to be honest for all your sakes and free yourself and your boyfriend to find your true loves than drift into a loveless marraige for fear of offending others. Why do you think you would be offending god by ending the relationship? This is a genuine question? God wants you to be true to yourself and honest. How do you stay with someone you don't truley love without lying? How can you give yourself in marraige in anything other than absolute true love? If you're not in love, not happy now then you owe it to your boyfriend and yourself to be honest. He probably knows it's not working for you. Broken hearts mend. Sooner said sooner mended.

Soozzs said...

When you meet your soul mate you really will KNOW. That's what's missing at the moment. He's not Mr Right, he's Mr Alright for now. It took a long time for me to meet my Mr Forever but I knew he was different the day I met him and knew he was the one within about a month of meeting him. I had the chance to marry other men but I always new I was happier on my own han with the wrong man. And I was right! So when I met the love of my lfe I didn't have to get rid of an unwanted boyfriend. That was what was right for me. It takes faith and an awful lot of patience.I made a list of all the things that were important in my life partner, so I would recognise him when I met him. Common goals, values, honestly and mutual respect were at the top of my list. Never settle for second best is my advice. I waited a long time but now I'm happily engaged to the man of my dreams!

serenity said...

I am so happy that I found this blog! I used to be a very religious person. I left a bad relationship and was blessed that my two following relationships were with men that were spiritual. However, my most current, serious relationship is with a man who has a very religious family. However, he is not quite the opposite. His parents are extremely charismatic and close-minded which might have contributed to pushing him away from God. However, my mother was a fanatic and I did not allow that to affect my relationship with God. Ever since I met this person I have not gone to church consistently nor do I pray to him as often as I used to. I am not blaming him for my lack of spirituality now because we all have free will and decisions. But he does not fear God at all. It does bother me a bit and although I know he loves and cares for me. It is not necessary always in the way I feel comforts or assures me. We had trust and miscommunication issues in the past. I believe it had to do with our different mentalities and personalities. I love this man dearly I wished I could spend the rest of my life wih him. Is my pride getting in the way? Should I just be more accepting of him as a person? Or should I just move on from this chapter in my life? We are currently not together but we still hang out.

Anonymous said...

HEY YOU GUYS SEEM LIKE YOUR ON POINT. I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP MYSELF AND ITS LONG DISTANCE. AT TIMES I FEEL IN MY HEART THAT HE THE ONE BUT AT TIMES I DON'T. HE'S IN MINISTRY AND HE LOVES GOD A LOT. ACTUALLY HE'S A PASTOR. BUT I FEEL LONELY AT TIME AND I KNOW GOD IS HERE WITH ME , BUT AT TIMES YOU WANT TO BE CLOSE TO YOUR MATE. WHAT SHOULD I DO? HE DOESN'T SEND ME FLOWERS OR CARD TO SHOW ME HE APPRECIATES ME. HE DOES CALL ME EVERY DAY, BUT I STILL DOUBT ABOUT US. I PRAY FOR ANSWERS AND ASK GOD TO REVEAL BUT NOTHING. SO PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS.

Anonymous said...

Hey serenity I just want to say that God is the way, the truth and the life. No one come to God except through the son. Anyone or any man that lead you away from the savior who brought you out of distress is not from God. Yes he probably wasn't the one to bring you out of the way, but it could be that satan is using him. Yes you love him but first you have to love God and then yourself. I used to be in a relationship like that. My aunt told me that God to her that he was a wolf in sheep clothing. Did I listen, no. Instead I continue in this relationship. Little by little I found myself missing church, not praying, and having sex. Now I felt empty and I was madly in love with him . But one day I said to myself I want to change and I want to go to a new level. Well I did. I left him and I've been bless ever since. I'm in a good relationship now but God know I'm seeking him about this. Well be bless and just pray and ask God to help you make the right decision.

God creation said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

anonymous:firstly i would like to thank God for helping to come out of a horrible relationship.he was my first boyfriend so i was so innocent and blind i didnt know whats wrong or right in a relationship.now i have been single for about four months.apparently there is a lovely guy who is interested in me but now fear of being hurt is holding me back,he is nice but am so confused and don't know what to do.

Anonymous said...

Hi Everyone. I love the advice i'm reading here so I thought I would ask for some.

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We are both 21 and know our relationship is still young but we are in it for the future. I love him greatly and have found myself changing for the best because of him. Unlike in past relationships I would not bother changing my selfish ways for my boyfriends at the time.

He's almost everything I want in a husband except he's not in school. He is going to start this august and is not completely set on what he wants to do. He has some good ones in mind like becoming a history teacher.

So here's my question... I find myself one day soo in love with him and then the next worried and thinking that maybe there's someone else. (that hurts just writing "someone else"). So am I just a paranoid person, could there be something else im missing, or what other possibilities could it be. I think it might just be me worried about the unknown. I know im pretty young but i just want to settle down my thoughts and not be worried.

Sharon said...

Anonymous-9:43PM:

Yes you are very young. And, if marriage is nowhere in your future right now, you really shouldn't be involved. I also hope you are not sexually active because you have pretty much ruined the relationship at that point. You need to take a step back, repent, and get out of that relationship. Your main focus should be growing as an individual and growing closer to God.

When the time is right, God will bring you the right person. If you love something set it free. If it comes back then it was yours. If not, then it wasn't yours.

You mentioned that you're worried he may be interested or with someone else. Well, women are very intuitive and we can sense these things. Chances are, he may be interested in someone else. Remember, you are not his wife and he is not your husband so neither one of you is obligated to be in a relationship.

You need to just ask him what he wants and what is best for the two of you. You need to just pray.

Jessica said...

Hi Everyone, I hope you could offer me some advice.

I have been together with my boyfriend for two and a half years. Im a christian while he is not. Before we entered into a relationship, I told him I am a christian and would only date someone that would place a high priority on his relationship with God. He tried to convince me by saying he would try to better understand christianity after we got together. He started attending church with me until I stopped inviting him after the first few months as I was upset over his skeptical comments about my pastor and the church.

At times, I considered ending the relationship as I am seeking a God-designed marriage between 2 christians. However, I always backed out because I love him. It hurts whenever I recalled the happy moments we had together. At the same time, I felt guilty for doing this to him because I know he love me deeply.

I have brought up my concerns to him before but he would always question me by asking why I weren't able to place him as my first priority like how he had did for me. He really treats me very well, thus I have been placing this concern aside and continued the relationship. I know problems would arise in future, especially after marriage. Which religion should our kids follow? I told him I would want the kids to follow my religion but i know this would lead to unhappiness and possibly conflict with his mother, who is a Buddhist.

I used to be a religious person, but I have been drifting away from God these few years. It isn't my boyfriend's fault. Though I believe if my partner is a religious christian, he may be able to lead me back to God. That is why I have been hoping for a Christian partner so we could help each other grow in christ. I really love God because he has showed me miracles and made much impact to my family and my life.

I really do not know if I should continue this relationship. Would it escalate to further problems after marriage or it is perfectly ok as long as we love each other?

Pilgrim said...

Hi there! the blog is old, but im hoping I'd still get a response, cause right now this is my issue. Im in love with a man that is a new Christian. however I'm really confused. We fight a lot almost everyday (I cry a lot), but when we are ok, we really are. He keeps insisting on my faults as I insist his. I love him dearly but Im way tooooo hurt as much I know that he is as well. Im praying that God will give me wisdom, but i also hope that I can also wisdom from fellow Christians. Is still right pursuing it?

Sharon said...

@ Pilgrim

God has already shown you the answer. You two are obviously not right for each other right now. When a relationship is blessed by God, you will not have such horrible fights and unrest. God is peace and love.

You need to learn to love yourself and move on. Many women cling to men who aren't right for them simply because the man has become part of their identity.

Your boyfriend has a lot of growing to do and so do you. Part way no matter how hard it is, and focus your relationship on God. Enjoy being single!

Anonymous said...

what if we're older, in our 40's. Why is it so hard to get to know each other. I want to spend more time with him but he lives 45 minutes away. We've been friends online for 8 months but only seeing each other for 4 months. I feel like he's the one. I've been praying about it. Sometimes I'm sure he feels the same way. I don't know if it's just too early in the relationship or if it's because he's been hurt and is taking his time. There's also confusion about another woman he met about the same time he met me.

Sharon said...

@ Anonymous 6:10PM

Many women think a man is always "the one" when they are dating them. Normally, that stems from desperation for a serious relationship. If he's the one for you then you would be sure and so would he. God doesn't tell one and not the other.

I just came out of a situation similar to yours. I can tell you, don't even start with the maybes. It's maybe he's been hurt, maybe he's not ready for a serious relationship, maybe, maybe, maybe. If the guy hasn't been making an effort to see you, then he's not all that serious about you. Don't force the situation.

I have learned if a man wants you, he will move mountains to be with you. Otherwise, don't take this too seriously. Make sure you got your stuff together and you are confident being a single woman. If you can't handle being single then you can't handle being in a relationship.

It's possible this guy is playing the field right now.

Ella said...

Hi everyone! I love the advice here, but I just wanted to see if maybe you've got some advice for me?

I'm 18, and for my whole life I have prayed and prayed for my husband. I foolishly believed my abusive ex boyfriend was 'the one' despite the list I had made when I was 13 (the normal things, 'must love God' 'must love me' 'must love kids' etc) did not fit him at all. So we broke up (good thing!). While I was dating my exboyfriend I met my fiance. We were just friends for about 6 months, but then in August 2 years ago, we started going out. In december of the same year, I got kicked out of home by my mother because she thought I was rebelious, and I was forced to live with him as I don't have any family within 600km. I know some people here might think that was a bad thing, and maybe, it was, But I just know that it would not havce happened had God not been in it. So, we lived together with his parents. He got a job and I got a part time job. Things got pretty stressful at home after his step dad had a stroke and 'went off the rails' (I mean that with the upmost of respect), and we were yet again forced to move after 7 months of living with them. We moved into a rough part of town in a 2 bedroom unit and slept in different rooms. Still following me? Sorry this is so long! So our lease ran up on that unit and we moved again to start uni (into MY parents house- temporairly. My mum regularly tells me we cannot live together)and one day, Gerard and I had a fight and I went to talk to mum about it and she said "I don't know if he's the one". It was the first time my faith in our relationship was shaken, and a knot in my stomach appeared (like it did with my abusive ex), it comes and goes now, but I'm very worried. I've never doubted that this man is the one for me, he's spiritual, makes me feel loved, makes me laugh, is 100% sold out for God and absolutely adores going to church. He doesn't have eyes for anyone except me, and we genuinely love each other's company and to talk to each other. He's just my perfect man! We recently called off our 2nd of February wedding because we felt like 'it was just another job to do'.

I really need some advice here, I love him in a way I never thought possible. But why do I have this weird feeling in my stomach??

Your help is very much appreciated :). Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Hello everyone!

Though this is an old blog, hopefully someone can give me some advice. I've been dating my boyfriend for the last 4 years off and on (mostly on). During that time, we were graduating college and experiencing new careers and simply figuring out life. At the same time, he was in my life as a boyfriend should be. He spend his time working off shore and simply being selfish. Due to this he received a negative image in the eyes of some of my family members. Now he has changed his life and continues to put me first. He has acknowledged his faults, asked me and God for forgiveness and continues to strive forward. His relationship with God is growing and we are planning for marriage. I KNOW he is the one but due to his past digressions his image in the eye of my mom is not good. She can't seem to forgive him for some things of the past. He has never abused me in any way- he was young and selfish and all about himself. He wasn't active in my life and missed important events such as graduations and family events. Do I not worry about my mother's view and pray that it changes or do I agree with her and leave him even when he has changed??

Sharon said...

@Anonymous 11:34pm.

I think you should seek wise counsel from a member on the pastoral staff. Sometimes parents have good instincts as to who is right for their kids but many times, they are leading with their own emotions. She just does not want you to get hurt again.

You need to continue to make sure this guy is right for you and that you are guys are not living in sexual sin. If you guys can refrain from that with strength, you may be on the right track.

I say seek counsel and listen to the Spirit.

Anonymous said...

Hi... I was previously in a relationship where i wasnt realy happy but my partner was. now ever since we broke up, ive been having regrets that i did. ive prayed about it but dont seem to get any answers. i still cry about it sometimes even though we broke up over five months ago. should i go back to him?

Ashley Coupe said...

Hi,
I'm 16 (yes, I know I'm extremely young).
I'm in a relationship with an amazing guy. He's older and more mature than me, but he never, never pressures me to do anything sexually. We have been good friends forever and started dating about 2 years ago. Ever since we started dating, we both said we were not in this to play games, and we just wanted to grow in a relationship with each other (the goal is to marry someday, but it's not a must and we are giving each other freedom to go separate ways if we need it). However (and I don't know why!) he thinks I am the one for him, and he truly loves me for who I am. I could not be more grateful for such a Godly man who truly loves me and no one else. He wants to marry me someday, but he's never pressured me about it. He is so perfect for me, and it really seems God has brought us together.My parents and close adult friends are extremely happy and we are constantly asking them if they see anything in our relationship that is not pleasing to God. They always say no. He encourages me so much in my walk with God.
But sometimes, I get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. It happens mostly when he sings to me or when I think about leaving him (not that I want to, trust me!). Is it that I'm afraid to lose him, or that God is giving me signs that I should not be with him? Could it just be that I'm scared to commit?
Because I certainly don't want to lose something as amazing as him if I can help it, but at the same time if he's not what God has for me, then I have to leave him, no matter how much it breaks my heart.
I'm not rushing anything and I just keep praying and seeking God's will. I still have so much to decide about my future. I'm still young and I don't want to rush into a serious relationship if it's not what God wants. But at the same time, if he IS the one God has for me, I don't want to rush OUT of anything either. :) I'm not asking any of you to solve my problems (obviously you can't), but comments or advice would be appreciated!

Anonymous said...

Heyy Ashley,
Im in almostttt the same sitution. I believe love is based om maturity & no matter the age it HAS TO BE approved by God. I love boyfriend very much, not a doubt in my mind. My problem is, I always wonder if its God will. Im young also & I just want to do the right thing. 'Seek ye first the Kingdom of God...' i know & I am. I just wonder if Im unsure sometimes because I have so much life ahead of me or if its genuinely God speaking to me. We encourage eachother & I love him soo very much. I want to know if its God speaking to me or if im just allowing my worries to get the best of me. Thanksss everyone
-J

Anonymous said...

I have read many posts and I am also a Christian and no matter how much we love God we have that desire to be with someone. I would tell any Christian don't ignore your desire for companionship, that will just make the desire even stronger. We must use the attributes that God enjoys when testing the waters for a Christian mate. Patience, obedience, self respect and respect for others, follow Christian guidelines(through the Bible) but most of believe that God will bless you with a good Christian mate at the right time. It is when we don't BELIEVE that's when we settle for less and make poor decisions. If you feel that this area in your life needs to be addressed right now, first start praying. talk to God about your desires and needs, but be prepared to wait. Good things take time. Read the Bible to prepare yourself for your blessing, read Christian books about what is required of couples, surround yourself with friends that are believers because you will need their support in lonely times. Only God has your answers! The Bible says be anxious about nothing, so take your time and He will give you the answers. Ask Him to help you to be tuned into the answers He is giving you. Listen to the advise of other Christians, but OBEY the words of God. But above all be happy while waiting on the Lord, that will definately make God, the giver of every great and perfect gift happy. There will never be a perfect mate but if they are given to you by God you can definately trust His decision. Just BELIEVE!

Susan said...

Please someone help me!! I'm engaged were both strong Christians and I love him very much, but I'm so unsure! He disappoints me so bad! I don't ask for much. Only to clean his car. maybe bring me flowers once in 5 months, and for once in his life not to be late. But still always but always late and with a dirty car u can't step in to! He says I don't appreciate him he goes to work at 5:30am and gets out at 6pm also works in solar outside in temp. Prbly 105 degrees so he's always tired. it also doesn't help we've been together for 2 yrs and well we don't want to commit a sin so we do desire eachother so we just wanna get married? He does love me very much I can tell more than I love him can someone please help me with advice were to be married in 3 months!!!!

Sharon said...

@ Susan

Your relationship sounds like the typical little issues that can blow up into big ones. You two also sound as if you're in that relationship stage where he's gotten comfortable and doesn't have to bring flowers anymore nor be on time. The bright side is, there is hope. At least you didn't say he mistreats you.

Let me give you some advice. No matter how tempted you are, do not fuss or yell at him. Just sit him down, look him in the eyes, and tell him what you want. Not to put men down, but they can be a bit dense. You have to spell things out for them. I love my guy but sometimes you have to really draw him a picture.

If your boyfriend is reluctant to at least adjust his behavior, then you will need to discuss where he truly sees the relationship going. Relationships and definitely marriage is about compromise and that's an attitude both parties have to have when considering marriage.

I pray that all goes well for you two.

Susan said...

Thank you! Very much for your advice, I love him but have decided to break up and just become more spiritual! I'm very sensitive and he's not the emotional type or understanding. I do believe I made the right choice even though it hurts, I chose to get closer to god and leave things in his hands if he's ment for me? Then he will be, maybe we both need to grow a little more! But thank you so much for advice. I'm very happy I found this blog

Sharon said...

@ Susan

I thank God you had the courage to do what you needed to do. You will be blessed for that. My best friend is having issues in her relationship right now too and me knowing her so well, I know her and the guy are not right for each other. I'm just waiting for one or the other to get up the courage to break it off. They are both Christians but their values are different and they are just incompatible.

I hope you find true love which must be found in God first and then he will add your life mate to the mix. Be blessed my sister. :)

Blessed_Beauty said...

God bless you all*

I believe the spirit of the Lord led me to this site. I was recently surfing the web && I happened to click on the link for this site which I am so thankful for. Most of you have some very beneficial advice.

However I am in deep need of advice due to my own situation. Help me out if you can. I am in a relationship with an inmate. Now before you go judging somebody let's not forget, no one is perfect. && "every saint was a sinner"! Now him being locked up is not the issue I have. I'm not a judgemental person being that everyone makes mistakes. My whole thing is, he comes home very soon && we have big plans including goals. Such as marriage, starting a family, etc. I love this guy with all my heart but I refuse to play myself when its all said and done. Meaning his bid. As much as I want this to be real sometimes I have doubts. I wonder if he's just using me to hold him down until he comes home, will he treat me the same way, does he really want all this or is he just selling me a dream because he needs me right now, is he the one, things of that nature. I've been praying on this for a long time coming but I just can't seem to get a clear sign for God.

Please share your advice. && those of you who know the words of prayer keep me in your prayers. Be blessed*

Anonymous said...

hi there, i have a situation with two men. one told me that he had feelings for me but unfortunately the timing was off and he had a gf. now he doesn't and he is still in my life after 4 yrs but then there is this other guy that i met at church with whom i am now his bestfriend but i love him. Unfortunately, he doesn't love me that way but lately it seems like our friendship is growing into more but i also sometimes think the other one is meant for me since we did have an emotional connection. So i just don't know. Any advice? The one from church has many of the qualities i would love to have in a husband but he just doesn't love me like that. Then i think maybe the other one is meant for me.

Anonymous said...

Blessed_Beauty... it's not about being "perfect", or "every saint was a sinner", that is you defending the fact that you are dating an inmate that your gut is telling you... he may be using you, and that you are having doubts. That is your gut telling you something... that is also God telling you something. You say you can't "seem to get a clear sign from God", does God have to come down with lightning bolts and all to make it clear to you what you deep down, already know and feel? If you feel he's using you... he just might be. If you're having doubts, those are red flags. Listen to them. That is God talking to you and giving you signs... trust your gut. Good luck.

Haley said...

Hello, I am a 24 year old and engaged to the most wonderful man I know. He is my best friend and I know that only God could send this man. He walks in love towards me daily, prays over me and is the best I have ever had. I just wanted to talk woman to woman with someone with some wisdom. My mother has been married 6 times so I have seen nothing but divorce, men come and go. I am a christian and have a very good realtionship with God and want a Godly family.... however I still have fears... about my finace being the one for me. I think bc in todays world we think that marriage and love is suppossed to be all butterflies. With this man its not really like it was when I was younger. But I know that he is from God. This has been such a faith thing for me. I would not want to lose this man, ever... but sometimes I still wonder if I can have the desires of my heart which is to be married to a wonderful man for the rest of my life. Ive been through rough relationships and seen bad marriages. I want Gods best for me. Is real love something to be afraid of? Am I normal to question this "love" or do I just have a screwed up view of what love is. Im not sure that I believe that its a feeling like I used to forever ago. Maybe ive matured, but other friends cannot really relate. I just want to know before marriage if this is normal for me to wonder.....

Christianfreak4God said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christianfreak4God said...

@ Haley,


Like you am about to be engaged, God has given me a man of God, and a man who fears Him, and puts Him before all things He has great principles and keeps me company in my worst times He has beeen there by my side. And sometimes love is not about being in love 24/7 of the time, God gives us something work on so that we may keep on seeking Him. He wont give us something perfect and happy dandy all the time because He wants us to keep our eyes fixed on Him all the time. To be in love with the Creator and not the Creation. And love is being able to stick by that person even though he is imperfect. Not someone who will give off an image of perfect Heaven, and when you get married, it will be the total opposite. God is just, and He wont give you something you can't handle, and anything that comes your way you will be able to handle. Listen I had written a earlier post before I wrote this post, and I was praying that the person that spoke to me was holy spirit filled. Little did I know that God used me, for me. And me for you. Ministering the truth, to the point that it hits home first and then hits others. Let Jesus take the wheel. He will do this for you because you can't do this on your own.

God bless you!!!
Wish you the best...

Anonymous said...

Is it ok to date someone who is younger than me? he is 32 and I am 39. I had bad relationships before, he respects me and he has told me that we do not need to rush things, we need to know each other more, before we enter in a serous relationship. he is a good man but it seems age doesn't bother him. however I am concert if I am doing the right or not.. I don't want to make more mistakes in my life.
I will appreciate any advice!

Anonymous said...

Is it ok to date someone who is younger than me? he is 32 and I am 39. I had bad relationships before, he respects me and he has told me that we do not need to rush things, we need to know each other more, before we enter in a serous relationship. he is a good man but it seems age doesn't bother him. however I am concert if I am doing the right or not.. I don't want to make more mistakes in my life.
I will appreciate any advice!

Anonymous said...

I'm 19 and have been having serious doubts about whether or not I should stay with my boyfriend. It really hurts him that I'm thinking of breaking up with him but I just don't know what to do. There are qualities about him I love and qualities about him that I don't love very much. I'm just not sure if we are compatible. I'm seeking God for advice but I just don't feel like I'm getting any. I would really appreciate advice.

Shannon said...

Hi there!! I need some help fellow sisters

I've been seeing this guy for almost two years now. At the start We both admitted our feelings for each other etc. during this time i had a lot of doubts and ups and downs. we ended things a couple of times. he had some doubts too then we resolved it

After a year and a half we are now officially dating. Our pastors approved of our relationship, he believes its a God thing and so did I. But in the last 4 weeks I've been having the doubts come back stronger than what they were. Also I've started thinking we're just not compatible. I want to get into politics and he wants to get into chaplaincy. He doesn't really know me that well also. On top of that I feel I'm a little overpowering for him as he's such a passive go with the flow kind of guy, so he doesn't lead much. All of this has led me to the decision to take a break from the relationship. He obliged with this decision. However 48 hours into this he is pressuring me into making a decision about whether I want to continue the relationship. I honestly can't see myself with him and haven't really ever. But he sees me with him and has full intentions to marry me eventually. He's as close to perfect as a Christian guy could get but I'm continuing to have doubts. I pray every night but I'm not getting anything from god about it. Help

Sharon said...

@ Shannon 6:42AM

Sweetie you are getting something from God. The fact that you have no peace about this relationship is God trying to get your attention. When something is right for you, there is peace and certainty. It could simply be that you guys are incompatible or it could be bad timing. Either way, you need to step away from the relationship and focus on yourself.

I hate when pastors "approve" of a relationship. Many times, they are speaking to you in the flesh and not through the Spirit. Frankly, pastors should stay out of it until it's time for pre-marital counseling. Then, they can analyze your compatibility and your readiness to form a lifelong commitment.

I suggest you two grow up some more. I don't know your ages but you sound rather young, 20ish. Live your life and if you are meant for each other, you will be lead right back to each other in a wonderful way.