Why Are You So Angry?

Have you ever been so angry that you lost control? That you did or said something that you normally would not do? So angry that you are still paying the price for your thoughtless words or vindictive actions?

You're not alone. Everyone experiences anger at some point. It could be over something as simple as someone taking too much time ahead of you in the store. Someone cutting you off on the freeway. A marriage gone bad. A job that has become too stressful. A life that is simply overwhelming.

The bible is filled with examples of people who got angry - God hardened Pharaoh's heart as Moses sought the freedom of the Israelites. Pharaoh's anger (and stubbornness) led to plagues, adversity and death for his people.

Naaman, captain of the host of Syria, was almost doomed to a life of leprosy because of his anger. Naaman visited the prophet Elisha to seek a healing for his leprosy, but turned away in anger when he did not receive the response he desired. Only the intelligence of his servants saved him from the price of his foolish actions.

The Apostle Paul was filled with righteous anger towards the newly founded Christian sect. After Jesus's death, he sought to kill as many Christians as he could. A fateful encounter on the Damascus road finally caused him to see the error of his ways and allowed his heart to become open to the Savior.

Anger can be a very destructive emotion. Ephesians 4:6 admonishes us to 'Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath'. I believe sin follows so closely behind anger in this passage because God knew how easily destructive behavior follows the expression of anger. This is not necessarily an injunction to never get angry (Jesus used anger to great effect in ridding the temple of money changers), but not to allow anger to lead you into foolish acts.

Anger also has a negative impact on your mind, your emotions and your body's chemistry. An article in Psychology Today sums it up this way:

A strong emotion that is accompanied by arousal of the nervous system, anger produces effects throughout the body. It eats away at your cardiovascular system, your gut and hijacks nervous system, often obliterating the capacity for clear thinking.

And, despite conventional wisdom that it is a good idea to 'get it all out', it has been proven that the release of anger actually makes you feel worse, not better. But you already knew that, didn't you? Because you remember the last time you had an argument, got angry and said and did things that only made the situation or problem worse. In fact, you did not become less angry after the fight, but more angry. Not to mention your bruised feelings, sense of outrage and unfairness that you still feel when you think about it.

So what does the Bible say to do about anger? Don't give in to it and leave the revenge for God. Paul says in Romans 12 '17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. 18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.'

He ends this passage by saying '21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.'

So go forth today and instead of becoming angry, be glad - knowing that the Lord will fight your battles and avenge any wrong done to you. And repay evil with good. But, whatever you do - don't let anger get the best of you!

Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Articles, Advice,Self-Help

Fasting For Lent

Did you give up anything to celebrate this past Lenten season? I'm curious about what other Christians are doing to mark this celebration.

Every year (since I've become a practicing Christian), I am faced with the challenge of how to mark or celebrate the Lenten season. Though I am a Baptist by denomination (and Baptists don't typically don't celebrate Lent), I am moved by the thought of using the Lenten season to remember the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for us on the cross.

For background, Lent is the 40-day period prior to Easter Sunday (excluding Sundays). The period of 40 days is representive of the 40 days Jesus spent in the wilderness, being tempted by Satan. During that time, he fasted. During Jesus's 40 days in the wilderness, Satan tempted him with all kinds of things - wealth, power and authority - if Jesus would bow down and worship him. Jesus refused and resisted everything the devil offered - because he knew the real deal - there was only one true God, and Satan wasn't Him. And, furthermore, that Satan didn't truly have the power to give Jesus all those things he was promising - all things belong to God and Him alone.

(A good article on Lent can be found here.)

So, it is very easy to draw the analogy between what Jesus did (resisting evil) and our ongoing battle to resist temptation. And to incorporate fasting - which is what people do during this season - fast, or 'give up' certain items, as a means of following in Jesus's footsteps. A time to become closer to God and reflect on who He is and what He has done for us.

So how was your Lenten season? Any thoughts on how Lent should be celebrated?



Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Articles, Easter

In the News: Black Woman Have Increased Breast Cancer Risk

A recent news story about a study of one million women found that Black women are diagnosed with more advanced breast cancer tumors than White woman. Not because we get cancer at a higher rate, but because we are inadequately screened,the article says. Specifically:

Compared with white women, black women were significantly more likely to have received inadequate screening, which included never receiving a mammogram before diagnosis, not receiving one until age 55, or not receiving one in the past three and a half years, said Rebecca Smith-Bindman, M.D., of the University of California San Francisco.

Have you been screened recently for breast cancer? I have - and though I hated the poking, prodding and squeezing - I at least left with the reassurance of knowing I had done my part to catch a potentially fatal disease.

Ladies - make sure you are screened regularly and, if you are at high risk or over the age of 40, that you receive yearly mammograms. And men - make sure all the women in your life are well protected.

Be Blessed!

Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Health

The Hook-Up

Violet T. Barry, who is the President of one of my sister websites, Holy Jamz, submitted this article to me, and I thought it was very powerful. Read on and let me know what you think:

When I was 19, I let one of my friends introduce me to a guy who she knew through association as one of her boyfriend's closest friends. When we met, it started off really sweet for a moment. Everything was going pretty nicely until he started talking about sex. After that first conversation, every conversation eventually led to the same topic which eventually turned into him pursuing me. So I lost my cool one day and told him to lose my number and pretend as if we never met.

A few weeks after that conversation, I got a page from him from out of the blue. Within that same hour I started receiving 911 pages from different telephone numbers. By the time I pulled up to my house from school I called the last number back and it was my friend who was crying and begging me to go and get her. I asked her where she was and I jumped in the car and took off. When I reached her and got her safely inside of the car, she told me that her ex-boyfriend (who set me up with the guy I told never to call me again) stopped by her family's house and asked her to go for a ride with him. She agreed and he took her to a gated apartment complex that you could only get in and out of with a key.

She told him that she'd rather wait in the car but he insisted that she went up with him because he was going to be a while. Eventually after going back and forth, she agreed. He had her step into the apartment first and closed and locked the door behind him. The apartment was full of guys. And everyone was staring at her. After that sentence the rest of the events from that moment on was a blur. The guy that I had been talking to was also in that apartment. As far as she can remember, her ex-boyfriend took her into a bedroom and raped her. After that, the guy I had been talking to entered the room and she only remembers running and screaming. After that, she can't recall how she got her clothes back on. She remembered running through the apartment complex and trying to jump the high concrete wall to get out. She never really understood how she made all the way to where she was when I picked her up.

At the time, she refused to call the police or to go to the rape trauma center. It was after taking her to another friend's place and talking with her and her husband that she agreed to go to the emergency room. We were told to go to the trauma rape center where she was examined by nurses and coaxed into speaking with a police officer to take a statement. She asked me to stay with her and I did.

It was then that I learned that she didn't really know the guy that she called her boyfriend. They had been dating for less than a month and she only knew him by his street name and the vehicle that he drove. She did not know of either his real first or last name, where he stayed, his home telephone number or anything. She basically knew jack about this dude and was sexually active with him from jump. The police never bothered to follow-up on the incident and she decided to put it behind her and pretend as if it never happened. We never spoke about it again but I never fully understood why things went down the way that they did.

I learned that I was set-up to be gang raped along with my friend that night but didn't. I learned that I really did not know my friend the way that I thought I did. I learned that it was best that I make my own mistakes and that it was better for me not to follow or allow people that I knew to influence me into making poor decisions. My heart went out to my friend for what she had survived that night. At the same time, I also realized that it could have also been me and that she had led me falsely into dating one of her rapists by telling me that she had been with her boyfriend for a long time and knew his friend, too.

I could say that the experience kept me on my toes and from going on to make more mistakes and bad decisions but I would be a liar. I was one of those people who had to learn things the hard way for quite some time before coming to any kind of common sense. When I look back at some of the things that I've done in my younger years, I know that it was nothing but the grace of God that spared, kept and saved me even in the midst of some of the worse choices I've ever made and in the midst of some of the darkest periods of my life. As women, if we can not love ourselves and be content in knowing that the Lord loves us and cares for us regardless of what we may think or feel for ourselves, happiness will never be found in bed with some man between our thighs for whatever amount of minutes or hours the sin of lust can last.

If you've tried everything else imaginable in your life, why not give Christ a try?

Why not, indeed? Have you ever experienced anything like this or heard of anything like this happening to anybody else? What kind of vetting process do you think you need to put your potential boyfriend through to make sure it doesn't happen to you? Hopefully, this article will make us all be just a little more careful about who we choose to spend our time with.


Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Articles, Dating, Singles

Worth Watering: He loves me despite myself

Worth Watering: He loves me despite myself

This blog entry is from a sister website - Worth Watering. In this poem, Ms. Mimi talks about her relationship with God, how He has touched her life and her relationship with Him. I love the creativity, energy and passion Ms. Mimi puts into her poetry and I just thought you might just like to check it out as well!

Here is an excerpt from her poem:

He loves me despite myself

That is what I love about him
I have strayed, played, have been negligent in my treatment of him
Yet, whenever I call, he answers
I hang my heavy head.
Without questioning he forgets
each irresponsible thing I've said or done

He's the one.

Check out Ms. Mimi's blog to read the rest of this Awesome poem for yourself!

Getting Closer to God

I have had a lot of conversations recently about how to know God. People wanting to know how to hear from God, how to become closer with Him and how to take their relationship with Him to the next level. Today, I wanted to talk a little bit about how to get closer to God. (I also wrote an article entitled How to Hear From God on my website for more information.)

I personally approach my relationship with God as I would anyone with whom I wanted a close relationship. Someone I was dying to get to know better. For most people, this could accurately describe how you felt when you first fell in love. I was anxious to know what He was about, what He liked, and how I could do more things to please Him. I also wanted to know Him as my Father, my Friend, my Comforter and my Strength (all things that were promised in the Bible). In that God could be so many things to me, it was very important to me to build a solid relationship with Him. So, how did I do that? Initially, by reading the Bible (His letter to us), talking to other people, listening to good preaching and a little bit of trial and error. Here is what I discovered:

1. God Likes to Talk

God likes to talk to His children. All throughout the Bible, there are instances of God speaking to his people, his prophets, his servants and those who faithfully followed him. In Isaiah 1:18, God says ‘Come now, and let us reason together, saith Jehovah: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.’ (ASV) I like this verse a lot because not only does it show that God wants to talk to us, He promises He is open to us even in the midst of our sins. We may not like everything God has to say to us, but it is reassuring to know He wants to hear our conversation.


2. God Likes to Hear You Say Good Things About Him

A good example of a person who was close to God was King David. Though he sinned in his personal life (and was punished), God still considered him to have been pure in his heart towards God. I think one of the reasons for this was because David was tops in one area: he loved to praise God! A familiar passage of scripture can be found in Psalms 34:1-2, where David says ‘…..I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth.’ David made a point of saying good things about God and openly displayed his affection and devotion to God no matter what anyone else thought. And, because of this, God counted David as a friend. As my pastor’s wife often says, if you were in a relationship with someone, would you want them to be embarrassed to talk about you? I think not….

3. God Has to Come First

The first of the ten commandments (in Exodus 20) says that we are to have no other gods before Him. We are also told time and again to love God with all our heart, soul and might (Deut. 6:5, 30:6, Matt. 22:37, etc.). That is the first and most significant commandment. Everything else God asks us to do comes after this first and most important command. It is important as a Christian that you build your relationship with God first – and from that, your relationships with other people.

4. God Gets Jealous of Competition

In the ten commandments, right after God tells us that He will have no other gods before Himself, He tells us in Exodus 20:5 ‘Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God…’ God does not like competition. As a matter of fact, not only does He not like competition, He gets jealous when you have someone or something in your life that you hold in higher esteem than you do Him. That means husband or wife, children, family, friends, job, money, material things or wealth. Whatever it is - you can never put those things or those people before God. Remember – no one else is your God – but Him.

5. God Likes to Spend Quality Time With You

God says to Moses in Exodus 25:22 ‘And there I will meet with thee, and I will commune with thee from above the mercy seat…’ The American Heritage Dictionary of the English language defines commune as ‘To be in a state of intimate, heightened sensitivity and receptivity, as with one's surroundings’. And we are reminded that God is the One ‘Who comforteth us in all our tribulation….’ (2 Cor 1:4) Communing with God and being comforted by God all involved spending time with God. We are so often in a hurry, ripping and running from place to place, that we want what we want from in a hurry! Well, here’s a news flash - it doesn’t usually work that way. Most true spiritual work takes time. If you’re lucky, God will deliver you of your troubles right away, but, most of the time, He doesn’t.. Most things that you want from God will take time – and involve a process. A process of spending time with God, talking to God, listening to God, and spending good quality time with God. Saying good things about God, putting God first, and getting rid of (or lessening) any competition. That’s what it takes to be close to God.


Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Articles, Advice, God

A Beautiful Marriage

All this talk about marriage, being single, having children and the idea behind commitment (please re-read previous entries for reference) have made me re-think what God intended for marriage. So, I read through some scriptures, and gave it some thought (and prayer) as I tried to re-focus on His intended will.

And, once again, I am reminded of the beauty of marriage as God intended it to be - a mutually satisfying, mutually loving, respectful and mutually desired state. No hint of a baby's daddy or baby's mama, sperm banks, two or three women (or men) 'on the side', fooling around or trophy wives. A whole lot of love, a whole lot of respect, and a whole lot of God is more like He intended for us.

Oh, how wonderful it would be to go back to God's original plan!

Following are some points that I gleaned from my recent study of God's word:

1. THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP COMES FIRST (AFTER GOD)
Genesis 2:23 - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh

Notice a man leaves both mother and father to be with his wife. And also notice this is before there is any mention of children, friends or other family members. In other words, the marriage relationship comes first. The only One you should love more is God. Period.

2. DIVORCE IS THE LAST OPTION
Matthew 5:31 - ....But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery

We divorce for so many reasons nowadays, but, most often I hear the phrase 'we grew apart'. As you can see, the Bible does not make provision for 'growing apart'. Except for adultery (and if an unbelieving husband/wife leaves his or her spouse), the Bible says you should stay married. So, again, unless you have a very good reason, if you are married, you should stay married.

3. HUSBAND AND WIVES ARE TO BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER
1 Corinthians 7:3 - Let the husband give to the wife proper kindness, and likewise the wife also to the husband.

This should be basic, but so often it is not. A lot of people consider their husbands or wives their favorite 'target', the object of their misery, the causer of all their pain. The Bible says that, instead, we should be kind to our spouses. Kindness - wouldn't it be nicer if there were a whole lot more of that going around?

4. SEX SHOULD BE A MUTUAL PLEASURE (one of my favorites:)
1. Corinthians 7:4-5 - The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband. And likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife. Do not deprive one another, unless it is with consent for a time, so that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer.....

This verse is basically saying that neither the husband or wife has the 'right' to continually say no. That means no 'holding out', playing games or depriving him or her of yourself. And, if you need to pray or fast for an extended period of time, to get your spouse's consent - let him or her know what is going on. Sex was meant to be a pleasurable coming together of a husband and wife. Is it that way for you?

5. HUSBANDS SHOULD LOVE THEIR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH
Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it,

I love this verse as well. This scripture admonishes husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church - in other words, be willing to sacrifice himself for her. To nurture and care for her. To love her and to cherish her. (I could go on and on....) It even goes on to say that the husband should love the wife as much as he loves himself - and no man ever hated himself.

6. WIVES SHOULD RESPECT THEIR HUSBANDS AND SUBMIT TO THEM AS UNTO GOD
Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

I'd love to be able to stop at the last scripture, but, ladies there are instructions for us as well. (And, yes, I have just as much of a problem with the word 'submit' as you do!) The best explanation I've seen of this passage is where John Gill says 'This is an instance, explaining the above general rule; which subjection lies in honour and reverence, and in obedience; they should think well of their husbands, speak becomingly to them, and respectfully of them; the wife should take care of the family, and family affairs'. In other words, that submission comes through love, not subjugation, humiliation or a master-servant relationship. But through love.

And, we are reminded that we are to submit ourselves to our husbands as unto the Lord. Now that's deep. For the Lord I will give my all. And what the Lord is saying to me is that that commitment must be the same as what I will give to my future husband. And that we (women) are to serve our husbands as if serving God. So, our husbands must love us without condition, and we must obey as if we are obeying the Lord. (Hey - don't get mad at me - I'm just interpreting!).

Let me know what you think. There are, I'm sure, numerous other scriptures in the Bible about marriage. The above scriptures simply represent my favorites. And though I struggle sometimes with the idea of a Godly marriage (especially this whole 'submission' thing), I would truly love to understand what God's original plan was for a husband and wife. All opposing views welcome!

Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Articles, Marriage

A Good Man is NOT Hard to Find

If you're anything like me, I'm sure you've either heard it, said it, read it or even (momentarily) believed it. Come on, everybody say it with me 'A Good Man Is Hard to Find'.

It has become the watch word of the single woman - explaining why we don't have a man, why we don't want a man, why our last man was bad and why there is little hope that we will ever find another (good) man. Of course, our reasoning goes, it must be that there is something wrong with all men. It couldn't possibly be me. After all, I am perfect (or close to it). I am intelligent, employed, in school, self-sufficient, spiritual, God-fearing, beautiful, affectionate, you-fill-in-the-blanks, and so on and so on. So, if I don't have (want, need, will never meet) a good man, it must be because there are no more good men. Right?

Wrong.

Let me say for the record, loud and clear, I DON'T BELIEVE IT. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND.

There - I said it. I feel much better now. Now let me tell you why I think this way.

It's clear from reading the Bible that marriage is the intended state for most men and women. Some of us will be blessed with the gift of single-ness, but, for most of us, marriage is our inevitable fate. So, my first point is this - if God intended for most women to be married, why would He eliminate all the so-called 'good men'? Does that make any sense?

My second point is this - I know there are good men out there because I see them every day. At my church. At my job. On the bus to and from work. At restaurants. In the grocery store. Alone. With their children. In business suits. Sometimes mopping the floors. In the latest Benz. In ratty old beaters. Why don't I think most single women 'see' these good men? Simply because most of them don't fit their notion of what a good man should look like. Along with God-fearing, we want successful - nice car, good-looking, fit, intelligent, articulate and well-groomed. And there's nothing wrong with seeking someone with these attributes (as long as you have them too!). But, you know someone I notice very often? A gentleman that works in my building cleaning up. Yes - I said it - he cleans. Every time I see him, he is quietly, efficiently doing his job. He is dedicated, he is humble, and he is very serious about what he is doing. I don't know his name and I don't know his background, but I am impressed by his dedication.

But how many women take the time to notice the man cleaning the floors in her building? Or who drives an older model car because he is working hard to support his children? Or one who dresses plainly and takes the bus because he is trying to hold down a job and go to school full-time? Be honest - not many.

The other reason I don't think a good man is hard to find is because our definition of 'good' is so darned skewed. We automatically equate it with what we see on the Hallmark or Lifetime cable channels - he will have all the right words, do all the right things, and know exactly how to meet our needs. He will be suave, and debonair and manly, yet sweet. Okay - let's all take a deep breath and just wake up (because, yeah - I want those things too - but I'm learning to accept my 'good' man exactly the way he is)!

Not every man knows the right thing to say. Or the right thing to do. Or can tell you the location of the most trendy restaurant. What you want in a man is one who is sincere - one who says what he means, is consistent and faithful and is genuine in all that he says and does. Those are the 'good' man qualities we should seek and so often overlook (if they are not accompanied by a certain look or level of income).

Okay - enough of my hang-ups. I just want to know - am I the only one who thinks this way? Is it really a lot harder than I believe to meet a good man? If I'm wrong, please let me know....

Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Articles, Dating, Single

Do Black People Still Get Married?

In a much read and discussed article, Joy Jones posed the premise (in the Washington Post) 'Marriage Is For White People'. This article goes on to highlight the declining rate of black marriages and black families that are headed by two-parents. Ms. Jones goes on to accurately point out how black women's choices are changing in the marriage landscape. That marriage is a goal when black women are in their early 20's and 30's, but as they financially prosper and build networks to support their single lifetsyles, they more readily begin to accept the idea of being a single parent. Here is a quote from her article:

Most single black women over the age of 30 whom I know would not mind getting married, but acknowledge that the kind of man and the quality of marriage they would like to have may not be likely, and they are not desperate enough to simply accept any situation just to have a man.

I completely agree with Ms. Joy's article. I realized that my mindset had changed in the last couple of years (I'm in my early 30's) from the idea of having a husband and children to one day having children. I found myself looking at adoption statistics, contemplating sperm banks and re-thinking my plans as a single person to include parenthood.

As a black woman and as a Christian, I have to say I think we have gotten way, way off base. Sure, it's hard to date and find a 'good man' these days, but they still exist. And though we are perfectly capable of raising a child ourselves, why should we if we don't have to? And I'm not talking about those who want to be married, but are not due to circumstances that have prevented it. I'm squarely focusing on those among us who have decided that men are not essential in the equation of our lives. Yes, I believe we can live 'happily ever after' by ourselves, but what does that mean for our society, our children, our neighborhoods and our legacy? Aren't the ideal circumstances upon which to raise children and build a nation founded on the idea of a two-parent family? Why would God espouse the sanctity of marriage if that state didn't represent His highest idea of a perfect union?

What do you think?

Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Articles, Marriage

Is the Maternal Instinct Real?

I was trolling the internet when I ran across this article about the maternal instinct:

LookSmart's FindArticles - Mother's Day: maternal instinct may be a myth. But this mother's son still sees something special in motherly love

Psychology Today, May, 1988, by Paul Chance

Now, I find the idea of whether or not women really have an innate maternal instinct really, really fascinating - mainly beecause I don't have kids. And, as a single, child-less person, I know for a fact that the thought of staying home and raising children full-time (with all the attendant diaper duty, early morning wake-ups, feedings, nurturing, rearing, cooking and cleaning) sends shivers of horror down my spine. And I know I'm not alone.

Sure, I get all dewy-eyed when I see a mom and dad with their cute kids (especially if they have a whole brood and they are all just so adorable), and, occassionally I fantasize about what my own children will be like - athletic, strong-willed, angelic :) - and then I wake up. I start thinking about how much child care costs and who is going to change these adorable childrens' diapers and how many games I will have to attend and do I really want to start carpooling? And my dream of having children once again gets pushed to the furthest corners of my mind.

So this makes me question whether all that stuff about maternal instinct is real. If I really had it, wouldn't I be rushing out to have children despite all my fears? The article I read insists that the maternal instinct is learned, not innate. This quote sums it up:

Then the Pill happened, and the '60s, and suddenly a lot of women were discovering that sex and reproduction were not inseparable. And just as suddenly there were a lot of women who didn't show much interest in making little ones. So it really does seem that maternal love is not instinctive.

The prevailing opinion among experts now seems to be that motherly behavior is the product of learning. Women have and love children only because they were trained to do so. That was what their mothers were up to when they encouraged them to spend countless hours with Barbie

That, however, seems a bit cold to me, so I'm thinking it must be a combination of the two. That the maternal instinct is both innate and learned. And, even if you don't have it to begin with, you can certainly learn it.

The Bible doesn't really say a whole lot about parenting either. There are admonitions about how children should be raised, but these injunctions are not addressed to one particular parent. And, in Bible stories, I have seen instances of both the mother and father interacting regularly with their children.

So - what do you think? Do you think the maternal instinct is a learned behavior or is innate?


Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Articles, Parenting,

Argus Leader Profiles PostSecret Blogger

I am a big fan of honesty. Though I don't always hit the mark in being 100% truthful (would you tell your girlfriend that, yes, she does look like she's gained weight?), I try my best to be open, honest and candid in my friendships, in my relationships and in my discourse with God. That's why I'm a big fan of the the postsecret blog. It was started by Frank Warren as an art project, but grew into so much more. People mail in postcards (anonymously) and reveal their deepest secrets. Here is a quote from the article:

"I've been surprised every step of the way," Warren says. "I'm just a typical suburban husband. I'm an 'accidental' artist. It's been quite a journey, quite an adventure."

And all because of his blog, postsecret.blogspot. com. It started out as Warren's temporary community art project. Now it's where thousands of Americans go to anonymously post their deepest secrets, and where millions of Americans go to read them. Secret-tellers - call them "confessors" - send their secrets to his home in Germantown, Md., in suburban Washington, on postcards they decorate themselves. Warren reads every one and picks 10 to 20 to post on his blog every Sunday.

I find it all so interesting (and refreshing) to look at the postcards posted on his site, because, though our society is supposedly so 'open' now, it's clear that many of us are hiding secrets ranging from innocent to mind-blowing. Why is it so much easier for some people to share their deepest thoughts in an anonymous forum? Perhaps because the people in their lives are not as accepting as they'd like them to be. Or maybe people are just not ready to reveal themselves in all their flawed imperfection.

Whatever the case, I think it's good that a site like postsecret exists. It helps us to know we are not alone (almost everyone has done or thought something that makes them feel ashamed) and hopefully inspires us to be just a little more honest in our own lives. And - to all my girlfriends - you look great! Even if you have gained 10, 20 or 50 pounds, you are still the beautiful human being you've always been! Trust me....

Peace

Should You Financially Support Your Man?

Taking up a line of thought from a previous blog entry, I thought I'd present this question: Should you financially support your man?

Which leads me to further questions: Is it ever okay to financially support a man? Is this biblical? Is it practical? Could a man gracefully accept being supported by a woman?

My feelings on the matter are this: I think it's okay - depending on the circumstances. I think every relationship should be about give and take. And that each partner should contribute something to the relationship, whether that be money, time, housekeeping duties, child-rearing, organizing the finances, etc. So, following that logic, it would be okay (in my mind) to financially support a man as long he is contributing something equally valuable to the relationship. Just as it would be okay to financially support a woman who is contributing equally to the relationship. Nothing is worse to me than someone who sits at home doing nothing (man or woman) while someone else foots the bill.

What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear stories from anyone who has supported a man (or has been supported by a woman) and how that worked out.

Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Dating, Relationships

Should Women Be Allowed to Preach in the Church?

To start off our discussion on the possible differences between men and women, we will start with an old favorite - Should Women Be Allowed to Preach in the Church?

This oft-debated topic has its share of proponents and detractors, both groups quoting their own favorite scriptures. So who's right? We may never really know, however, I'm going to add my own voice to the fray in trying to resolve this matter.

Do I think women should be allowed to preach in the church? In a word - yes. Why, you ask? Here are five reasons why:

1. (And this is my favorite) God never said that women shouldn't.

Preach, that is. There are no scriptures directly prohibiting a woman from preaching, prophesying or ministering in any fashion in the church.

2. The Bible tells us that tells us that God is no respecter of persons and all are considered the same in Christ.

Peter, in Acts 10:34 (see below) tells us that God is no respecter of persons. Peter learned this valuable lesson prior to being sent to lodge with a Gentile (which was considered abhorrent to many Jews at the time). If God could accept Gentiles, then why not women?

Paul, in Galatians 3:28-29, tells us that God doesn't consider the religion (Jew, nor Greek), status (bond nor free) or gender (male nor female) of His children - all are one in Christ.

Scripture References:

Act 10:34 Then Peter opened his mouth, and said, Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons:


Gal 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
Gal 3:29 And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.


3. Israelite women were placed in leadership roles and were called upon to prophesy.

Deborah was appointed as one of the judges of Israel (Judges 4:4-5). In this position, she judged all matters of contention between the Israelites. And, not only was she a judge, she was a prophetess as well! In Joel 2:28, God speaks through Joel to his people and tells them, among other things, that their daughters would prophesy.

Scripture References:

Jdg 4:4 And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.
Jdg 4:5 And she dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in mount Ephraim: and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment.

Joe 2:28 And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions:

4. Women were with the Apostles when they received the Holy Spirit in the Upper Room.

After Jesus was resurrected and had ascended to heaven, the Apostles, along with a number of women, gathered in the upper room. During their prayer (and when they were on one accord), the Holy Spirit descended upon all of them and and all of them spoke in other tongues. God did not differentiate between the men and the women who were present in the Upper Room.

Scripture References:

Act 1:13 And when they were come in, they went up into an upper room, where abode both Peter, and James, and John, and Andrew, Philip, and Thomas, Bartholomew, and Matthew, James the son of Alphaeus, and Simon Zelotes, and Judas the brother of James.
Act 1:14 These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.

Act 2:1 And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.
Act 2:2 And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting.
Act 2:3 And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them.
Act 2:4 And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.

5. Women were only specifically directed to remain quiet in one instance.

For those who often quote 1 Corinthians, where Paul admonishes the women to keep silent in the churches and to ask their husbands questions in the privacy of their home - this scripture refers to one particular situation, one particular church and one particular instance. Reportedly, the women in the Corinthian church were being disruptive, and speaking out of turn. So, this admonishment was more about order than a general rule to be applied across all spectrums. God may not be a respecter of persons, but He does expect His people to be orderly!

Scripture References:

1Co 14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
1Co 14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

I would love to hear your opininon - for and against. So let me know what you think!

Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Articles, Advice

Are Men and Women Really Different?

Are men and women really different? A recent conversation with a friend brought this topic to the forefront of my mind. Apparently, her pastor said that he didn't believe that women should pastor churches. Now, their denonmination already accepted women ministers, but he believed it was morally incorrect for a woman to lead a church. What do you think?

Over the next few days, weeks, or however long it takes, I'm going to explore the differences and similarities between men and women. What the Bible says. What society says and what science has uncovered.

Stay tuned for more....

Religion

How Do You Know He's the One?

We've all met the seemingly perfect man: he opens doors for you, he's polite and courteous. He has a well-paying job, he's truthful, open and honest. He takes you out to dinner and doesn't expect anything in return and makes all the right noises about his interest in being committed. You get along great, you're thinking about introducing him to your parents and, then, he changes on you! He goes from calling you five times a day to 'just say hello' to sounding peeved when you call because he's 'trying to work'. He's taken you out five times and doesn't understand why you're not putting out. He gets a great paycheck of which he spends every penny trying to finance a gambling and/or shopping addiction.

So, how can you tell when you've really picked the right guy?

Read on:

1. He doesn't overwhelm you with affection right off the bat.

Yes, we all want to be swept off our feet, but steer far clear of men who want to marry you by Date 2. If he were really so anxious to be married, don't you think he would be by now? Now, I'm not saying that all men are like this, but, most men who start out very intensely burn out very quickly. After all, you don't think you are the only one he's ever been that crazy about, do you? Settle instead for someone who calls, texts or emails you a reasonable number of times. And one who has reasonable expectations of your relationship. Allow your relationship to begin at a slower pace and develop naturally - this will help it to last.

2. He doesn't pretend his credit, his past dating history, or his past life is or was perfect.

Okay, he makes a lot of money, but he hasn't always made a lot of money. And he probably wasn't always the most fiscally responsible person in the world. So don't let him lead you to believe otherwise. Also, he's done both good and bad in his past, so be on the lookout if he colors all his stories in his favor. Look for someone he gives you a fair and balanced re-telling of past struggles, issues or relationships. And, speaking of relationships:

3. He doesn't blame his last girlfriend for all of their problems.

If he begins his stories about his ex with phrases like, 'she mistreated me', 'she was no good', 'I tried to make it work, but she refused to try', or 'she was nothing but a manipulator', run far, far away! As previously mentioned, he has done both good and bad in his past. And this goes double for anything he did in his last relationship. She may not have been perfect, but he definitely wasn't either. There are three sides to every story - his side, her side and the truth. Try to find someone who gets as close to the 'truth' as possible.

4. He's consistent.

Remember how he used to call you five times a day? It's okay if it goes down to once or twice (a day), but once or twice a week? That's something to worry about. And don't accept the excuse that he all of a sudden doesn't have time. Somehow, he found time before, right? It takes two minutes to place a phone call, send an email or text message. Hold him accountable. But, on the flip side, if he only called you once or fewer times per day, don't expect him to start calling three or four times a day now. Observe his original pattern. Learn it. And see how close (or how far) he strays from it. There are few things worse than inconsistency in someone of whom you have greater epxectations.

5. His actions follow his words.

This goes two ways: he doesn't make promises he doesn't intend to keep and he does what he says he's going to do. He doesn't promise to spend more time with you this weekend if he knows he's going to be tied up in meetings. And he remembers to bring you a cheeseburger from McDonald's on his way home from work (like he said he would). Don't trust a man that constantly breaks his promises or makes promises he doesn't keep.

This is my short and sweet list, but feel free to comment and let me know of other traits that I'm sure to have missed! I'm also interested in hearing success stories from others who have found 'the one'.

Religion

Sex and The Single Christian

What does it mean to be Christian and single? In the best case scenario, it means living a life devoted to God, going to church regularly, fellowshipping with your friends and being a good friend, daughter, brother, mother, father, etc. And - let's not forget that all-important caveat - being celibate. It's a not-so-well-kept secret, however, that most single Christians are not - celibate that is. Most of us seem to have 'periods' of celibacy - lasting anywhere from a few weeks to a few years and then find ourselves falling right back off the wagon for a (temporary) fix. I have had my seasons of celibacy, watched my friends in their seasons and seen celebrities proclaim they will enter marriage a 'virgin'. And, what do most of us have in common? We fail, fail and fail again. (And hats off to those who have been celibate, remain celibate or enter marriage as a virgin.)

Let's face it - once you have had sex (and enjoyed it), it's really, really hard to go back to that pre-knowledge state. Where sex was an idealized fantasy and you would find true love (or, at the very least - release) and it would all fade out into a pleasantly fuzzy happily ever after. And then you wake up.

Once you cross that line, you realize that you will never be the same. You feel a combination of remorse and (this is what always trips you up) curiosity. Was that as good as it gets? Or - wow, that was even better than I thought it would be! Should I try again to be celibate or does this mean it's over? Well, I didn't immediately go to Hell, so maybe....just maybe...I can get away with this.

And you do. Time and again. Until it almost becomes easier just to continue having sex than go through all the trauma of trying to give it up. To date someone and spend long sessions at his house or yours instead of having long walks in the park. To just stop thinking about it and put it up on the shelf of 'I'll deal with it...one day.' Just not today, right?

I am not here to preach to you, to tell you right from wrong or any of that stuff (and I'm sure you know all the same bible scriptures I do about remaining celibate). And the simple truth of the matter is that all Christians fall short in one way or another. We lie, we cheat, we are gluttons, we are judgmental - just take your pick. So, it's awfully hard to point the finger at someone else when we are not exactly shining examples of clean vessels ourselves. Sometimes I think a whole lot more good would be done in the Body of Christ if we were all just a little more understanding of one another instead of the way we are now. But I digress...

So, if the above describes you, do what we all find ourselves doing - pray. Ask for forgiveness. Learn from your mistakes. And maintain your relationship with God at all costs.

And you will be saved.

Religion

How Not to Cheat

Excuses, excuses, excuses. I cheated because my husband doesn't understand me. I cheat because we've grown apart. I cheat because I'm not in love with my wife anymore. I cheat because my husband doesn't pay attention to me. I cheat because my wife won't give me what I want in bed. I cheat because - well, because I want to, darnit!

We have all heard, said and read about reasons to cheat. We all know why it's okay, why it's justifiable and why we can get away with it. Cheating has, in fact, almost become acceptable. After all, how can you possibly expect to stay faithful to one man or one woman for 10, 20 or even 30 years. Impossible! Right?

Impossible, no. Difficult, yes. So, following is my short and sweet list of How Not to Cheat:

1. Don't find yourself in a private setting with a member of the opposite sex.

As I always say - it's really, really hard to cheat when you're at home, alone, by yourself! Don't give yourself any more reasons to give into temptation.

2. Don't build emotional relationships with too many members of the opposite sex.

Friends, shmiends, most friend-ships (for men) are just a holding pattern until you are willing and ready to take it further. And we women are no better - we often just like to have a man as a backup plan, in case our current relationship doesn't work out. Guard your heart and your time - and hang out with more of your same sex friends.

3. Don't confide all your secrets in a member of the opposite sex.

Yeah, I know, it's much easier to share sometimes with someone that has a different set of chromosomes, but this is definitely heading in the direction of building emotional relationships (and you know where that usually leads). Especially don't share everything that your significant other does that bothers you. Some unscrupulous friends can and will use this against you at a later date. Get a best friend who is the same sex as you. Trust me - it's much easier in the end.

4. Don't spend time fantasizing about 'what if'.

Yes, I know most people don't really consider it cheating unless something physically happens, but, here's a news flash - thinking about doing something is just one step away from actually doing something. Don't think so? Fantasize about ice cream for the next half hour, and see if you don't head to your nearest Ben & Jerry's!

5. Stop seeking external validation.

Make sure you already think that you are okay. Or that you are great. Or whatever it is you need to make it through the day. Because the sooner you believe it yourself, the sooner you will no longer need someone else to make you feel that way.

6. Stay Busy!

Do I even need to get into this one? Suffice it to say the less free time you have, the less time you have to get yourself into 'trouble'.

7. Think about your mate.

Hey, here's something that's probably fallen by the wayside. Remember when you thought your mate was absolutely perfect and could do no wrong? Okay, so you know that ain't true, but I bet he or she still does some things very, very right. Think about those things. Replay them in your mind. Repeat.

8. Spend time building your relationship with your mate.

Spend time planning things you would like to do. Spend time cooking for him or her, sending him or her emails, spending quality time or taking long walks in the park. Whatever it takes to build upon what you already have. 'Cause building a new one will take just as much work as you are putting into the relationship you have now. It's easier (and cheaper) in the end to just love the one you've got.

9. Follow your own passion.

Quit trying to live your life through someone else! And quit thinking if you've bedded three or four people other than your significant other, that this makes you some type of player! You are not. You just lack self-control. Find what you do best - and do it. Enough said.

10. Commit to Yourself first!

Forget about trying to commit to another person through thick and thin. 'Cause his 'thin' will be too thin and her 'thick' will turn you off. Commit instead to your own personal desire to be faithful, loving and attentive to the one you've got. People change. Feelings change. But, knowing (and sticking to) who you are on the inside never goes out of style. Then, when you have the desire to cheat, you will realize it's much more important to be true to yourself than indulging in a temporary fix.

So, go forth and be faithful!
Religion

Adrian's Blog: Blogging the gifts - the word of wisdom

I just ran across this article from a fellow Christian blogger, Minister Adrian Warnock. I think he has some pretty good insight on the spiritual gift 'Word of Wisdom'. Read it and let me know what you think! Adrian's Blog: Blogging the gifts - the word of wisdom

The Millionaire Next Door

I just re-read Thomas J. Stanley's 'The Millionaire Next Door'. This book shares with its readers the surprising habits, beliefs and attitudes of the 'millionaire' who could be living right next door to you. If you've ever wondered, why am I not rich, when (insert name) is? - this book is for you.

I re-read the book because, in the 700,201st effort to re-do my finances, I needed to be reminded of the basic tenets of saving money, the pay-off of entrepreneurship and the value in controlling your budget instead of allowing it to control you. I classify the discovered habits of the rich as 'surprising' because I found them to be just that. The book quickly puts to rest the notion of the well-to-do person as a jet-setting, richly clad, spendthrift kind of person. The 'average' millionaire profiled in this book in fact lived a very frugal lifestyle, did not generally spend a lot of money on foreign or luxury automobiles, lived in a middle-class neighborhood and lived well below his or her means. As a matter of fact, the author stated that the more luxury items a person had, the less likely he or she was to ever become millionaire.

The second read of this book proved just as eye-opening as the first for me. It put me in the mind of the fact that God has required that, as Christians, we be good stewards of the resources He has provided us with. This means your time, your talent and especially your money. Though we are advised 'Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal' (Matthew 6:19), we are also advised to make the most of our talents, as evidenced in the parable found in Matthew 25:14-30. To me this means, don't rely on money (and certainly don't love it), but use what you have wisely. Much of the Bible talks about loving and helping others, and while this of course includes acts of service, prayer and support, sometimes it also means cold, hard cash. And we can't be of much help to others if we can't help ourselves, now can we?

So, for anyone looking to improve their financial outlook and become a better steward of his or her money, I would highly recommend that you pick up this book.

President Bush - A Good Christian?

As the death toll of U.S. soldiers in Iraq approaches 2300, I wonder about why we ever got into this war. Like most people, I initially believed it was unavoidable, inevitable and a necessity. 2286 deaths and five years later, however, I began to sense the futility of fighting a war not for the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people but for oil and profits for America and its allies. There are many countries that experience internal conflicts - not many of which have experienced the level of 'assistance' and peace brokering that the United States has brought to Iraq. And it forces me to consider why this is. Are the civil wars and genocide in Africa any less important than the fates and minds of the Iraqi people? Or is it just that other countries don't have as much to offer in the way of compensation - vast amounts of potential riches and opportunities for political associates and allies to 'contract' their way to millions? Why else are we there? It certainly isn't because we're winning - because we're not. 2286 American deaths and 28501 Civilian Deaths well prove that point. And, even after the recent imposition of curfews and the restriction of vehicular movement in Baghdad, the insurgents are still managing to kill their own people and coalition forces. Is it really worth it?

Which brings me to the question - has President Bush been the 'good Christian' he professes to be by getting us involved in this war? As a Christian, I readily acknowledge our ideological and theological differences. But how can we go to war against another country in part due to our President's 'Christian' beliefs? Why hasn't President Bush given us a structured plan to pull our troops? And, finally, how can President Bush equate the tenets of the Christian faith with the death of so many of our sons and daughters? I pray for it to end.