Hello all:
I've been on a bit of a hiatus due to my full-time school and work schedule, but there are some reader questions that have been particularly haunting me. Here they are with my responses. (Please feel free to add your own advice, commentary, etc.)
From: The Other Woman
Anonymous said...
I have been married for 24 years now with two children ages 23 and 14...my husband left me but i know in my heart he was cheating all the signs were there, he no longer desired me and he was always abusive to me which really escalated before he left, he denies there is another woman, but he became very upset the day i found the number in the cellphone and called it and deleted the number he asked for his number back and left the following day, he has not taken all of his things yet he does not want the neighbors to know he has moved out, but yet he is not there anymore..(strange) i am going along with it for now, but there is no relationship between he and I anymore and he wants to be able to come in and stay from time to time when he feels like it..so basically he is holding me back while he waits to see if this thing between he and the new woman will work out because i think she is married as well..never the less, i feel i have been reborn..God has given me peace after days of crying and depression i was devastated and i can not say i did not do some things that he did not appreciate, after years of abuse i turned to prescription drugs and i became addicted..i begged and pleaded him to help me but he would not he saw that as his way out. but let me add this is not the first affair we have dealt with he has cheated on me two times prior to this that i know for sure..so God is so Good, because after finding this blog, i feel totally free, i do not wish any bad luck on him i wish the best but i know the relationship is not going to work because this is one of the oldest tricks of the enemy, grass always seem greener, so Ladies plz respond and provide me encouragement this is still young for me and i am praying my way thru
12:21 PM
Anonymous:
I feel your pain. I know what it's like to love someone and try to honor that relationship with what you've learned about God and how best to be a Christian. However, your husband has made the decision easier for you - he left you. Your role is to pray, seek the comfort of God and ask how you are to handle the situation. The goal is for you to have peace. The optimal marriage state is for two people to be working together, trying to make things work, communicating, spending time, raising any children and incorporating Godly principles into their marriage. If your marriage does not have those qualities, it is not where it should be. I cannot say for sure whether or not you two should be together, but I know for absolute sure that God is going to work this out in your best interests. I can promise you that. I also promise you this: if you seek Him and obediently do His will, He will honor and bless you in ways beyond compare. I will be praying for you. Please let me know how this turns out.
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From: How Not to Cheat
Anonymous said...
i need some help... PLEASE ANYONE!!! I just found out that my girlfriend of 4 years is cheating. She did it before and I forgave her and then she did it again and i forgave her again..and again. This time its more serious cause i found out that she was close to sexual with him and its the same guy that she cheated with the first time. I am a Christian and so is she and we are active in our Church.. can someone please give me some Christian advice please.. its like im dying here...
10:43 PM
Anonymous:
As a prior single woman for a number of years, I became intimately familiar with all the games, ups and downs and challenges facing Christian singles. Here is what I see: your girlfriend still has feelings for the gentleman which whom she had sex. You are right to forgive her, but you are not obligated to stay with her. True repentance (on her part) would have been to walk away from him and leave him alone. She is telling you - with her actions - that she is not capable of doing that. You are meant for better. Behavior does not magically change when you are married. Behavior changes through a close relationship with God, fasting and prayer, repentance and a true desire for change. I don't believe your girlfriend has a true heart for repentance.
My advice is for you to leave her and spend some close, one-on-one time with God. Allow Him to minister to you, allow your friends to comfort you, pray daily and fast and, if at the end of that you feel like God is leading you back to her, then so be it. If not, then it is time for you to move on. I will be praying for you. God bless and please let me know how this turns out.
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From: How Not to Cheat
i have been cheating on my boyfriend for a few months now im a christian hes a chritstian and i dont know how to tell him and weather i should i love him and want to stay with him. What do i do?
7:58 AM
Anonymous:
Why are you with your boyffriend? You say you don't know if you love him. What, then, is the point? I don't mean to sound harsh, but I simply don't understand why you'd stay with someone of whom you are not even sure how you feel. You sound like an intelligent, likeable person. I would not want you to be in a situation that is not going anywhere or causing your boyfriend harm through your behavior.
My suggestion for you would be for you to spend some time alone. My best guess is that you have needs that are not being met by your boyfriend nor your lover. Honestly, there are some things only God can heal and it seems that you need Him more than any human man.
Think about what I have said. I will be praying for you. God bless you in your time of need.
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From: How Do You Know He's the One?
Jlynn said...
I'm in a relationship that I'm not happy with but my partner seems to be head over heels in love with me.
I feel like if I end it I'm doing something terribly wrong because it will hurt him, but I'm miserable staying in it. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. I also feel like I'm doing wrong in Gods eyes as well if I end the relationship. Any advice.
12:35 PM
qtee1113 said...
yeah any advice for jlynn??? I am in the same boat and would looooove the imput!
5:13 PM
JLynn and qteel113:
Well, ladies, first of all, feel blessed that you have someone in your life who values you! I hear so much about women who want to make things work with guys who are disinterested that it's a nice change to hear that some of our sisters have found good men. Even if those men are not for you...
My advice to you two is simple: if you are not happy, then leave. Why do I say this? Because, if you desire sexual intimacy and children in a God-given relationship, then you need to be free to marry the man who will fulfill those dreams for you. Visualize the man you want to be there for you when you are sick, whose features you want to see in your children's faces, who you want to see in family pictures and want to grow old with. Is that man the one you're with now? No? Then you need to go.
If it helps any, remind yourself that you are doing him a great disservice by remaining with someone with whom you are not compatible. You are depriving him of meeting someone who will love and value him for who he is, as well as depriving yourself of meeting the man who is meant for you. Shoot for the stars, ladies - married or committed life with the partner of your dreams. You deserve no less!
Old Minds....
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Old Minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order. - John Adams -----------------------------------------------...
1 day ago
22 comments:
Heartfelt christian love and care to each of you in your circumstances. I invite you for a little "vacation, relaxation, and rejuvination" at quieth.blogspot.com where I post my scenic photos and journals for the troubles women face. Its brand new, and would love to hear from some of my Sisters in Christ.
Joy's daughter
This collection of comments from people who are struggling with faithfulness issues is very interesting. We Christians are pulled by the two thoughts: 1) God just wants me happy. 2) God just wants me to live up to my covenant promises.
Not much is understood about the second one because it is hardly talked about. But you know it exists. Otherwise people like the ones who wrote you wouldn't be so conflicted.
I've been dating my fiance for 3yrs and have been engaged 2yrs. I recently found he has cheated on me with another woman who actually called up one night and exposed the affair. I love him and have tried forgiving but the thoughts continue to linger in my mind. He now wants to be married and I have expressed to him that I will not marry under false pretenses and definitely will not step into marriage without a minimum of 3mos marrital counseling.
I feel that had he not gotten exposed he would not try to make any real committment. We have been living together for a year and continued to do so after the deception came out.
Please advise.
Glad I found your blog. Been looking for some fellow Christian bloggers. I launched to new Christian blogs recently.
www.potentpraise.blogspot.com
www.potentpoetry.blogspot.com
I'm female, "thirty something," living in New York City. About six months ago, I lost a very important love relationship, and here I am, single and blogging about it. This blog is essentially where I will document the observations I'm gathering about living (the single life) in New York City. Friendship, sex, hooking up, Craigslist, getting numbers, instant messenger, you name it, I will cover it here, so long as it captures my interest, that is.
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Hi there. :D My name is JT Eberhard. I run my own blog, and I contribute to Teh Juggernauts blog.
I'm commenting to invite you to a blogalogue with me about either the existence of god or the truth of Christianity. As my writings will show, I am not a believer. I am willing to have my mind changed, I've just never encountered a good argument for why I should. It is my hope that you and I could reach a meeting of the minds on the subject.
Here are my rules for blogalogues:
1. Stay courteous. We're in this together, searching for what is true, and we should treat each other as such.
2. All posts are posted on each participants blog.
3. Either party may end the blogalogue at any point.
If you are interested, please leave a comment on Teh Juggernauts and we can work out details.
Best,
JT
Thanks for the response - I'm excited as well.
What will the topic be? I'm all for whether or not god exists, whether or not Christianity is true, or whether or not faith is beneficial.
Or probably anything you can come up with. What do you think we should discuss?
JT
When will Americans stop putting fornicators in the White House? Everyone knows that Sarah Palin’s daughter conceived a child out of wedlock. But did you know that Sarah Palin herself conceived her first child out of wedlock? It’s the truth. That’s the reason she and Todd Palin eloped instead of getting married before God.
The Bible teaches that sex before marriage is the same as adultery. You can hate the sin and love the sinner, but that doesn’t mean you have to vote her into the White House! It’s time for Americans with family values to STOP putting people like CLINTON and PALIN into the White House. Our children deserve better!
1 Corinthians 6:18: Flee from sexual immorality. SPREAD THE WORD OF GOD!
I cheated on my boyfriend with my ex boyfriend. My boyfriend would always ask me if I had done anything with my ex but I would deny it. At the time I wasn't really into church even though I would go. He is also Christian. I admitted everything to him. Now he does not want to forgive me I have begged him, cried to him, I write him letters telling him how much I care about him, I have gotten on my knees for him to see that I am truly sorry. I have even committed myself to God now I pray and read the Bible and I am determined to change my life and never cheat on him again. My ex no longer lives in the U.S but I don't know what to do for boyfriend to forgive me. He says he wants to but he knows he shouldn't. He doesn't call me anymore. He ignores me despite everything I have done. What can I do?
Hey, I feel your pain. I am going through the same thing with my boyfriend; I made a stupid quick desicion and made out with my ex. And then I lied about it...4 times. My boyfriend, also a Christian, forgave me but we broke up, got back together and now I have come completely clean and we are on the rocks, not that I can blame him. I never thought I could be the kind of person who would do that, but the reality is, is just because we are Christian and know better, doesn't mean we won't do something wrong.
I think what you can do, is if he is being cold and pushing you out because he is hurt, is pray. If it is God's will to reconcile your relationship He will be faithful, and always be HONEST! Telling a "sort of" truth doesn't help (believe me!). If God has something better for you, and if you need to go through this emotional time of growth through consequences, then just stay strong, pray, and God makes all things new. I know that might not be what you want to hear, but you need to find your self worth in Christ first, your boyfriend second.
Pray girl, and trust God.
Much love.
My Question is ... What are you thinking?
THis woman is not a Christian ... She goes to church and she participates in the activities but clearly her behavior is not that of a Christian.
I do not believe that God would want you to be with someone who is clearly unsaved. Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.....
I think you should wake up and face reality.. She doesnt love you you are a security blanket thats all,.
Once a cheater always a cheater. If we are cheating on our boyfriend and we are supposedly Christians, we are sending the wrong message to non believers. It is impossible to stop cheating without the Holy Spirit. I was once the same way until I sought the face of God through fasting and prayer. It was not an easy task, I would be where I did not plan on being and become totally upse with myself, because the Holy Spirit was talking to me and quickening me and I would disregard Him. I did not see the opposite sex as sexual anymore once I became delivered, I simply saw them as humans. This process took a while for me to become deliver. I went through this process for approximately two years before my deliverance and my marriage. I have been married for four years. Since then I did not desire the opposite sex until January 19 of this year. Once I realized my backsliding into old desires I have started to do the same thing that delivered me from such desires, I looked and started to wonder, no conversation or even eye contact. I realized I was totally sinful for having such desire. Satan is always at work if we stop the works that have delivered us from our old ways.I am now back on track.
God created us to be married. As Paul states, it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion and torture continually with ungratified desire. Going to church is not worth must if we have not totally repented and changed our minds and hearts. We must turn from our old ways and thoughts. It is a difficult task by on self, we must stay in prayer and fast to become delivered. The Holy Spirit will deliver us from our desires if we seek Him deligently and listen to what He tells us to do. THE SPIRIT INDEED IS WILLING BUT THE FLESH IS WEAK.
Crushed spirit
I had been together with this 'christian bf' for nearly ten years. I trusted him very much because I thought he was a God fearing and God loving kind of Christian. Then, I found out that he cheated on me with another girl who had boyfriend too. He pleaded me to give him another chance and I did as I thought he was sincerely repented. However, after another two years, he told me he wanted to concentrate on his career. Meanwhile, I also found out that he was still seeing that girl. At present moment, I find it difficult to forgive both of them. I hate to be cheated and betrayed. How will Jesus deal with this situation??Do you believe in 'you reap what you sow???
Hi Anonymous:
The reality is that this person does not want to be in a serious relationship with you. When you love someone and want to commit to that person, you act like it. You call when you're supposed to, you're attentive, you're monogamous, loving and faithful. You do not LIE, CHEAT and MAKE EXCUSES. Your boyfriend has done nothing to deserve the faith and love and trust you've given to him. So please stop - to maintain your own sanity, peace and to have the full benefits of a loving relationship with God (who should be your focus).
I believe that God takes care of His children. Though it may seem hard to fathom, your former boyfriend could be learning as much from this situation as you have. In other words, he may come to the end of this (once you are completely out of his life), finally realizing what a fool he has been. And God will deal with Him in that situation. I do believe you reap what you sow, and when you sow deceit and dishonesty, you can rest assured that you will receive that in return.
However, at this point you should really focus on you and not on what's going on with him. Your ex-boyfriend probably has a million reasons why he continues to behave so poorly - including a host of un-resolved personal issues that he needs to address.
The important thing now is that you get as far away from him as possible and begin re-building yourself and renewing your own strength. Find what you need in God - not from what may or may not be going on with your ex.
And, whatever you do, please don't take his behavior personally. He is operating out of a totally different mindset that has everything to do with him and very little to do with you. He has to go through what he has to go through to get where he is going and you now have a separate path. My advice would be to continue to pray about it - even pray that God heals him - and MOVE ON!!
God can and will bless you with the man of your dreams if you are obedient to Him. And part of that obedience is praying for those who despitefully use you (Luke 6:28) and allowing God to fight your battles (1 Sam 17:47). So make sure you do both in this situation!
Trust in God. He will never let you down!
I am glad i found this because i have had some questions in my mind that i cannot ask any of my friends because i do not want to wash my dirty linens in public. I was in a relationship before with this guy & we got along but i wasn't happy in the relationship even though he was madly in love with me. I He was everything any woman would want except a bit too laid back for my liking but also imaging a future with him was painful it was like enduring it but at least i had the consolation that he would always be around. Eventually i had to break the relationship because i was hunging on for fear of not getting someone else.
Now i met this other guy and from the time i met him till today i can say i am happy. I never ever intended to even start a relationship with him but it was the communication that made things happen & by the time i realise i was deeply inlove. He's a catholic and i vowed never to have anything to do with a catholic because i come from a catholic background (no offence to catholics). Even though things has gotten very serious now its not like it used to be, he still calls me often, emails me but some things he does doesnt make sense. We live about 3hours apart because we are in different cities. He doesn't express himself how he feels about me anymore, like he loves me or misses mme though i talked to him almost everyday. Sometimes he says he will call me & probably not call till the following day & its sending mix messages whether he's seeing someone there or he just likes me. We are also talking marriage but then i am not sure if he really loves me but when i talked to him about it he says he does. My pastor says i should know he's faith is not at my level so i should pray about it...... I do pray every day about it but all these thoughts keep coming that he's cheating or is up to something..... Now i get someone that am truly happy i don;t know how he even feels about me anymore. i don't know what to do.
I am a Christian who feels like I have strayed away from God. I have made the mistake of starting up another relationship with another man while being with my boyfriend of 5 years. Me and my boyfriend of 5 years have had a rocky relationship. Me and my boyfriend also commit sexual sin but have been each others first and only. I broke it of with my boyfriend after 2 days of thinking of this other guy, because it is unfair for my boyfriend to be in the situation. This is the 3rd time of trying to leave him. Yet, he comes to search for me every time. He almost forces me to stay with him. I even told him about the other guy, but he still wants to be with me, so I had to break it off with the other guy to be again with my boyfriend. I told my boyfriend that I didn't know if I loved him truly anymore, but he still wants to be with me. I know that the devil set up the situation because my boyfriend was finally going to marry me he says so that we wouldn't be committing sexual sin anymore. The problem I am having is that even though I am back with my boyfriend, I still think about the other guy. I don't know what God wants me to do. Stay with my boyfriend or break up with him. I think that I read in the bible that if you have sex with each other you have to marry. But, I have felt unhappy for years with him, and I don't know if I want to marry him but I don't want to go to hell either. I wonder if I am just not appreciating my boyfriend enough. He has hurt me in the past and I know that is probably why I got involved with another guy, but that is no excuse. Also, my boyfriend's family has taken me in as one of their own. My boyfriend says that he knows God told him to go after me no matter what, but I have felt for the past 2.5 years to leave him. In the past when I have left him, there was never no other person involved. Now, I am stuck between what is right in God's eyes and my own.
Where do i start? all my life i've never claim any religion, yet god has always been in my heart. I've sinned many times, but i have recently come clean to the lord and asked for mercy and forgiveness and open my heart completely to him and live by his rules. I've meant someone when i had a bf, i didnt really liked my bf at the time but i kept him around because i was selfish. when i met (N) i was very honest with him, he knew i had a bf but our friendship continued. When i knew i had feelings for (N) i broke it off with my bf. (N) is a strict christian, he is constantly bothered by how we met. I really care for (N), but im unsure if something out of deceit can work? I've been praying for directions, i dont want to hold (N) back if i cannot make him happy, he chose to stay-however he cannot let go of my past sins. i really dont know what to do, i've turned my back on my old sinful ways-is repentance really enough? I take our relationship very seriously, but i dont feel they he take it the way i do, im unclear on the reasons why he is staying. What can i do?
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years. Despite the hardships we had we always remained together. We consider ourselves each other's best friend. For years I always looked to God for answers. Many times it was possible and advised by many to leave him but I kept praying. Well we both fell into a rut and the both of us turned to alcohol. I ended up cheating on him with a friend of his. For a long time I kept it hidden. But recently my boyfriend and I are expecting our first child. I kept praying and asking God what I should do. Everyday it seemed all the signs pointed to telling him the truth. So I did. Now we are seperated and I'm afraid that this is the end. I can't predict what will happen, my first thought is that he will never forgive me and thats the end of our relationship. I also think that what I did cannot be forgiven. It kills me that I hurt him with my betrayal. I wish I could take it all back. I really love him and we had plans to marry. But I'm afraid that its not going to happen. Its really hard but I'm trying to keep faith that because God wanted me to reveal my sins,despite the consequences, he must have something in plan for us.
I am a 22 yr old backslidden Christian...I do things I know God doesnt approve & I am truely wtrying to change. Anyways my boyfriend & I are in a long distance relationship for almost a year now. I have cheated on him twice with 2 seperte ppl. I am completely embarrased bcus this is not me AT ALL. Idk if this is Gods way of tellin me to jus stop drinking (bcus the incidents all occurred.whn I was drunk). I am so confused. Idk if I shuld tell him or not (& jus vow to never put myself in tht situation or drink again)?? I cant keep a secret from some1 I truely love however, when we've disucssd cheatin he has already said he has zero tolerance. What should i do??
I am engaged to a man that I love. He is always there for me and I never had any reason to believe he is cheating...until now.
After I came home from a heartfelt church service on Sunday, I stumble across a hotel receipt with his name on it for a day that he was suppose to be on another island. I immediately dropped everything I had in my hand and called him right away (now I believe I shouldn't have reacted so quickly). Anyways, I asked him about it and why he did not tell me but he seemed to be more concerned about how I found it.
He told me that he did not want me to know he was here and stayed in the room by himself.
So being the faithful girl that I am, I prayed about it and put it to rest.
The next day I went on Face book and one of his ex's had posts up about him (not saying his name of course) saying that he is so slick and went through all of that to see her.
Now, he is saying to me that he did not have an affair and we can meet with her to prove it. I want to believe him so bad but things are not adding up. He claims he loves me and wants to be with me and we can't allow this girl to break us up because she is obsessed.
I do not know what to do! I love him and never cheated on him and didn't think he would cheat on me.
Please help!
Hi. I am a single female. I have been struggling with wanting to have sex with married men. Iv'e been told how selfish I am, and I know that that must be true because I understand what marriage means to God and why He created it... When I was a little girl, my mom's boyfriend (at the time. now he is her husband.) sexually abused me. I was about 11-12yrs. old. It didn't really effect me until my friend who is married started to come on to me. I really cared about him, and was secretly always attracted to him and looked up to him and his wife because they taught me about God. He has been coming on to me for the past 2 years now, and I finally gave him sex.
Part of me feels already dead, and feels the desire to repent. The other part wants the comfortability of having intimacy without having marriage. Actually, lately I have been craving sex with random married men to fill the void. Please pray for me because I am such scum, and human, that I don't want to repent and change.
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