Hello all:
I've been on a bit of a hiatus due to my full-time school and work schedule, but there are some reader questions that have been particularly haunting me. Here they are with my responses. (Please feel free to add your own advice, commentary, etc.)
From: The Other Woman
Anonymous said...
I have been married for 24 years now with two children ages 23 and 14...my husband left me but i know in my heart he was cheating all the signs were there, he no longer desired me and he was always abusive to me which really escalated before he left, he denies there is another woman, but he became very upset the day i found the number in the cellphone and called it and deleted the number he asked for his number back and left the following day, he has not taken all of his things yet he does not want the neighbors to know he has moved out, but yet he is not there anymore..(strange) i am going along with it for now, but there is no relationship between he and I anymore and he wants to be able to come in and stay from time to time when he feels like it..so basically he is holding me back while he waits to see if this thing between he and the new woman will work out because i think she is married as well..never the less, i feel i have been reborn..God has given me peace after days of crying and depression i was devastated and i can not say i did not do some things that he did not appreciate, after years of abuse i turned to prescription drugs and i became addicted..i begged and pleaded him to help me but he would not he saw that as his way out. but let me add this is not the first affair we have dealt with he has cheated on me two times prior to this that i know for sure..so God is so Good, because after finding this blog, i feel totally free, i do not wish any bad luck on him i wish the best but i know the relationship is not going to work because this is one of the oldest tricks of the enemy, grass always seem greener, so Ladies plz respond and provide me encouragement this is still young for me and i am praying my way thru
12:21 PM
Anonymous:
I feel your pain. I know what it's like to love someone and try to honor that relationship with what you've learned about God and how best to be a Christian. However, your husband has made the decision easier for you - he left you. Your role is to pray, seek the comfort of God and ask how you are to handle the situation. The goal is for you to have peace. The optimal marriage state is for two people to be working together, trying to make things work, communicating, spending time, raising any children and incorporating Godly principles into their marriage. If your marriage does not have those qualities, it is not where it should be. I cannot say for sure whether or not you two should be together, but I know for absolute sure that God is going to work this out in your best interests. I can promise you that. I also promise you this: if you seek Him and obediently do His will, He will honor and bless you in ways beyond compare. I will be praying for you. Please let me know how this turns out.
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From: How Not to Cheat
Anonymous said...
i need some help... PLEASE ANYONE!!! I just found out that my girlfriend of 4 years is cheating. She did it before and I forgave her and then she did it again and i forgave her again..and again. This time its more serious cause i found out that she was close to sexual with him and its the same guy that she cheated with the first time. I am a Christian and so is she and we are active in our Church.. can someone please give me some Christian advice please.. its like im dying here...
10:43 PM
Anonymous:
As a prior single woman for a number of years, I became intimately familiar with all the games, ups and downs and challenges facing Christian singles. Here is what I see: your girlfriend still has feelings for the gentleman which whom she had sex. You are right to forgive her, but you are not obligated to stay with her. True repentance (on her part) would have been to walk away from him and leave him alone. She is telling you - with her actions - that she is not capable of doing that. You are meant for better. Behavior does not magically change when you are married. Behavior changes through a close relationship with God, fasting and prayer, repentance and a true desire for change. I don't believe your girlfriend has a true heart for repentance.
My advice is for you to leave her and spend some close, one-on-one time with God. Allow Him to minister to you, allow your friends to comfort you, pray daily and fast and, if at the end of that you feel like God is leading you back to her, then so be it. If not, then it is time for you to move on. I will be praying for you. God bless and please let me know how this turns out.
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From: How Not to Cheat
i have been cheating on my boyfriend for a few months now im a christian hes a chritstian and i dont know how to tell him and weather i should i love him and want to stay with him. What do i do?
7:58 AM
Anonymous:
Why are you with your boyffriend? You say you don't know if you love him. What, then, is the point? I don't mean to sound harsh, but I simply don't understand why you'd stay with someone of whom you are not even sure how you feel. You sound like an intelligent, likeable person. I would not want you to be in a situation that is not going anywhere or causing your boyfriend harm through your behavior.
My suggestion for you would be for you to spend some time alone. My best guess is that you have needs that are not being met by your boyfriend nor your lover. Honestly, there are some things only God can heal and it seems that you need Him more than any human man.
Think about what I have said. I will be praying for you. God bless you in your time of need.
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From: How Do You Know He's the One?
Jlynn said...
I'm in a relationship that I'm not happy with but my partner seems to be head over heels in love with me.
I feel like if I end it I'm doing something terribly wrong because it will hurt him, but I'm miserable staying in it. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. I also feel like I'm doing wrong in Gods eyes as well if I end the relationship. Any advice.
12:35 PM
qtee1113 said...
yeah any advice for jlynn??? I am in the same boat and would looooove the imput!
5:13 PM
JLynn and qteel113:
Well, ladies, first of all, feel blessed that you have someone in your life who values you! I hear so much about women who want to make things work with guys who are disinterested that it's a nice change to hear that some of our sisters have found good men. Even if those men are not for you...
My advice to you two is simple: if you are not happy, then leave. Why do I say this? Because, if you desire sexual intimacy and children in a God-given relationship, then you need to be free to marry the man who will fulfill those dreams for you. Visualize the man you want to be there for you when you are sick, whose features you want to see in your children's faces, who you want to see in family pictures and want to grow old with. Is that man the one you're with now? No? Then you need to go.
If it helps any, remind yourself that you are doing him a great disservice by remaining with someone with whom you are not compatible. You are depriving him of meeting someone who will love and value him for who he is, as well as depriving yourself of meeting the man who is meant for you. Shoot for the stars, ladies - married or committed life with the partner of your dreams. You deserve no less!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
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15 comments:
Heartfelt christian love and care to each of you in your circumstances. I invite you for a little "vacation, relaxation, and rejuvination" at quieth.blogspot.com where I post my scenic photos and journals for the troubles women face. Its brand new, and would love to hear from some of my Sisters in Christ.
Joy's daughter
This collection of comments from people who are struggling with faithfulness issues is very interesting. We Christians are pulled by the two thoughts: 1) God just wants me happy. 2) God just wants me to live up to my covenant promises.
Not much is understood about the second one because it is hardly talked about. But you know it exists. Otherwise people like the ones who wrote you wouldn't be so conflicted.
I've been dating my fiance for 3yrs and have been engaged 2yrs. I recently found he has cheated on me with another woman who actually called up one night and exposed the affair. I love him and have tried forgiving but the thoughts continue to linger in my mind. He now wants to be married and I have expressed to him that I will not marry under false pretenses and definitely will not step into marriage without a minimum of 3mos marrital counseling.
I feel that had he not gotten exposed he would not try to make any real committment. We have been living together for a year and continued to do so after the deception came out.
Please advise.
Glad I found your blog. Been looking for some fellow Christian bloggers. I launched to new Christian blogs recently.
www.potentpraise.blogspot.com
www.potentpoetry.blogspot.com
I'm female, "thirty something," living in New York City. About six months ago, I lost a very important love relationship, and here I am, single and blogging about it. This blog is essentially where I will document the observations I'm gathering about living (the single life) in New York City. Friendship, sex, hooking up, Craigslist, getting numbers, instant messenger, you name it, I will cover it here, so long as it captures my interest, that is.
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Hi there. :D My name is JT Eberhard. I run my own blog, and I contribute to Teh Juggernauts blog.
I'm commenting to invite you to a blogalogue with me about either the existence of god or the truth of Christianity. As my writings will show, I am not a believer. I am willing to have my mind changed, I've just never encountered a good argument for why I should. It is my hope that you and I could reach a meeting of the minds on the subject.
Here are my rules for blogalogues:
1. Stay courteous. We're in this together, searching for what is true, and we should treat each other as such.
2. All posts are posted on each participants blog.
3. Either party may end the blogalogue at any point.
If you are interested, please leave a comment on Teh Juggernauts and we can work out details.
Best,
JT
Thanks for the response - I'm excited as well.
What will the topic be? I'm all for whether or not god exists, whether or not Christianity is true, or whether or not faith is beneficial.
Or probably anything you can come up with. What do you think we should discuss?
JT
When will Americans stop putting fornicators in the White House? Everyone knows that Sarah Palin’s daughter conceived a child out of wedlock. But did you know that Sarah Palin herself conceived her first child out of wedlock? It’s the truth. That’s the reason she and Todd Palin eloped instead of getting married before God.
The Bible teaches that sex before marriage is the same as adultery. You can hate the sin and love the sinner, but that doesn’t mean you have to vote her into the White House! It’s time for Americans with family values to STOP putting people like CLINTON and PALIN into the White House. Our children deserve better!
1 Corinthians 6:18: Flee from sexual immorality. SPREAD THE WORD OF GOD!
I cheated on my boyfriend with my ex boyfriend. My boyfriend would always ask me if I had done anything with my ex but I would deny it. At the time I wasn't really into church even though I would go. He is also Christian. I admitted everything to him. Now he does not want to forgive me I have begged him, cried to him, I write him letters telling him how much I care about him, I have gotten on my knees for him to see that I am truly sorry. I have even committed myself to God now I pray and read the Bible and I am determined to change my life and never cheat on him again. My ex no longer lives in the U.S but I don't know what to do for boyfriend to forgive me. He says he wants to but he knows he shouldn't. He doesn't call me anymore. He ignores me despite everything I have done. What can I do?
Hey, I feel your pain. I am going through the same thing with my boyfriend; I made a stupid quick desicion and made out with my ex. And then I lied about it...4 times. My boyfriend, also a Christian, forgave me but we broke up, got back together and now I have come completely clean and we are on the rocks, not that I can blame him. I never thought I could be the kind of person who would do that, but the reality is, is just because we are Christian and know better, doesn't mean we won't do something wrong.
I think what you can do, is if he is being cold and pushing you out because he is hurt, is pray. If it is God's will to reconcile your relationship He will be faithful, and always be HONEST! Telling a "sort of" truth doesn't help (believe me!). If God has something better for you, and if you need to go through this emotional time of growth through consequences, then just stay strong, pray, and God makes all things new. I know that might not be what you want to hear, but you need to find your self worth in Christ first, your boyfriend second.
Pray girl, and trust God.
Much love.
My Question is ... What are you thinking?
THis woman is not a Christian ... She goes to church and she participates in the activities but clearly her behavior is not that of a Christian.
I do not believe that God would want you to be with someone who is clearly unsaved. Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.....
I think you should wake up and face reality.. She doesnt love you you are a security blanket thats all,.
Once a cheater always a cheater. If we are cheating on our boyfriend and we are supposedly Christians, we are sending the wrong message to non believers. It is impossible to stop cheating without the Holy Spirit. I was once the same way until I sought the face of God through fasting and prayer. It was not an easy task, I would be where I did not plan on being and become totally upse with myself, because the Holy Spirit was talking to me and quickening me and I would disregard Him. I did not see the opposite sex as sexual anymore once I became delivered, I simply saw them as humans. This process took a while for me to become deliver. I went through this process for approximately two years before my deliverance and my marriage. I have been married for four years. Since then I did not desire the opposite sex until January 19 of this year. Once I realized my backsliding into old desires I have started to do the same thing that delivered me from such desires, I looked and started to wonder, no conversation or even eye contact. I realized I was totally sinful for having such desire. Satan is always at work if we stop the works that have delivered us from our old ways.I am now back on track.
God created us to be married. As Paul states, it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion and torture continually with ungratified desire. Going to church is not worth must if we have not totally repented and changed our minds and hearts. We must turn from our old ways and thoughts. It is a difficult task by on self, we must stay in prayer and fast to become delivered. The Holy Spirit will deliver us from our desires if we seek Him deligently and listen to what He tells us to do. THE SPIRIT INDEED IS WILLING BUT THE FLESH IS WEAK.
Crushed spirit
I had been together with this 'christian bf' for nearly ten years. I trusted him very much because I thought he was a God fearing and God loving kind of Christian. Then, I found out that he cheated on me with another girl who had boyfriend too. He pleaded me to give him another chance and I did as I thought he was sincerely repented. However, after another two years, he told me he wanted to concentrate on his career. Meanwhile, I also found out that he was still seeing that girl. At present moment, I find it difficult to forgive both of them. I hate to be cheated and betrayed. How will Jesus deal with this situation??Do you believe in 'you reap what you sow???
Hi Anonymous:
The reality is that this person does not want to be in a serious relationship with you. When you love someone and want to commit to that person, you act like it. You call when you're supposed to, you're attentive, you're monogamous, loving and faithful. You do not LIE, CHEAT and MAKE EXCUSES. Your boyfriend has done nothing to deserve the faith and love and trust you've given to him. So please stop - to maintain your own sanity, peace and to have the full benefits of a loving relationship with God (who should be your focus).
I believe that God takes care of His children. Though it may seem hard to fathom, your former boyfriend could be learning as much from this situation as you have. In other words, he may come to the end of this (once you are completely out of his life), finally realizing what a fool he has been. And God will deal with Him in that situation. I do believe you reap what you sow, and when you sow deceit and dishonesty, you can rest assured that you will receive that in return.
However, at this point you should really focus on you and not on what's going on with him. Your ex-boyfriend probably has a million reasons why he continues to behave so poorly - including a host of un-resolved personal issues that he needs to address.
The important thing now is that you get as far away from him as possible and begin re-building yourself and renewing your own strength. Find what you need in God - not from what may or may not be going on with your ex.
And, whatever you do, please don't take his behavior personally. He is operating out of a totally different mindset that has everything to do with him and very little to do with you. He has to go through what he has to go through to get where he is going and you now have a separate path. My advice would be to continue to pray about it - even pray that God heals him - and MOVE ON!!
God can and will bless you with the man of your dreams if you are obedient to Him. And part of that obedience is praying for those who despitefully use you (Luke 6:28) and allowing God to fight your battles (1 Sam 17:47). So make sure you do both in this situation!
Trust in God. He will never let you down!
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